BPDFamily.com

Hello!
I dont really know why Im here but I think I just need to write something.

Usually I talk with my father for support but he tried to commit suicide recently so I dont want to burden him.

I dont know where to begin and what I want. Maybe typing things down will help.

I have been with my SO for about 2 years now and she recently got the diagnose BPD. Its always been up and downs but im starting to feel exhausted. I never feel free, I take care of people at work and I take care of my SO at home so Its like Im working 24/7.

We have some good times but most times Its not. Every day she talks down to be, make me feel worthless like I cant do anything right. I do most chores at home but Its never enough. I dont make the bed the right way, I breathe to loud, Its my fault that shes feeling bad etc. If I dont make appointments/remind her to go somewhere Its my fault that she misses things. She thinks Im working to much one second and later im not working enough because we dont have money for travel and fun. Its only me working so Its hard to save up but she has no concept about money.

Dont get me wrong, I love her but Its getting to much. I know what a wonderful person she can be.
To make things harder she doesnt have friends or family here so Im all shes got. I can almost never be alone and just relax, Its either work or her. I can come home late after a 12h workday and immediately I need to do the dishes because shes feeling bad.

I think it was last weekend that made me search up this place. She was raging at home, throwing things around, hitting me and after some time one neighbor was at the door wondering what we were doing. Im standing outside in the snow without shoes trying to calm the neighbor down so she doesnt call the police or complain to the landlord. This time it went well but what about next time...

Im out of ideas, I dont know what to do. She is scheduled to start mbt soon but im not sure shes going.
I dont know what anyone can do but I needed to say something so I dont explode with emotions.

I hope that you can understand me as english are not my first language and Its the middle of the night here.

Best regards snowplow

*welcome*

Typing things out helps me... .I hope it helps you.

You've found a safe place full of people that "get it".  We know how exhausting it is.

I also want to tell you we can help you learn to overcome the exhaustion.  How does that sound?

Can you tell us more about the diagnosis and the plan of care?

Looking forward to your reply!

Best,

FF

Thank you for the reply!

That sounds great, Im so tired and exhausted all the time. What can I do?

She recently got diagnosed with BPD, anti social disorder and depression. It was very hard on her but shes happy to know more about whats causing her feelings.

The plan right now is to go on an introduction on mentalization based treatment. First 3 months introduction so she is ready and then 18 months of MBT.

We have talked about it and shes going to the introduction but cant promise more. Im just happy that shes trying.

She really want to go to school so shes mad at me now because if she starts the mbt she is stuck in this town and thinks thats what I want but I just want her to feel better.

So... she accepts the diagnosis but has yet to start treatment?


FF

Yes thats correct!
She got the diagnosis about 2 months ago and the treatment starts next month.

She got some medication but doesnt take it because of side effects. She has been in and out of the hospital for many years and tried countless different medicines.

Is that a normal amount of time between diagnosis and start of treatment?

FF

Its my understanding that Its pretty fast around here as we live in a small town with only public healthcare. They said that it could take more then 6 months before they had a spot open for her.

There is alot of anxiety about the treatment now. Usually she says ___ it and thinks the doctors are stupid and shouldnt be allowed to work with people but this time I try my best to support and motivate her to stay the course.

This is a wonderful goal and I think it is an area where bpdfamily is uniquely qualified to help you.

Many strategies and tactics to support a "pwBPD" (person with BPD) can sometimes be counter-intuitive.

What is validation?  How do you avoid invalidation?  Why is invalidation bad? Is validation different than agreement?

Understanding that validation is not so much about "thought process" for a pwBPD as it is about "feelings process".

Most likely you are scratching your head about the above few issues and that's completely normal.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating

https://bpdfamily.com/parenting/03.htm

I would encourage you to read some of the links I've suggested above and review other bpdfamily posts about this topic.  Take notes on what doesn't make sense and post about that here.

How does that sound?

FF