BPDFamily.com

Lots of problems with my stepdaughter (17 - lives with us full time) lately. Drug use, self-harm. The biggest and most pervasive issue for as long as I've known her (since age 8) has been lying/deceit.

She talks a good game--for instance on Sunday we had a long, heart to heart talk that she initiated about how she wants to improve our relationship. Then on Monday she left school during lunch (not allowed to do that) and was contacted by the sheriff - hasn't come clean to us about any of that.

She doesn't seem to have any kind of conscience.

It has been suggested that she is BPD. How do we know if it is or if it is simply teenage rebellion?

Hi and welcome to the board though I am sorry for what brings you here.  It is good that you re reaching out for help and support here.  

Who suggested she has BPD?  Has she ever been in therapy or seen for behavioral issues?  What you describe certainly sounds difficult.  What sort of drugs and self harm does she do?

We have several articles, one of which I am linking here given your question:  I think it's Borderline Personality Disorder, but how can I know? (https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-borderline-personality-disorder)  You question is one we get here a lot but unfortunately none of us can answer it.  What we can do is listen, support and help you find different ways to approach your step-daughter.  Sometimes making changes in us can help them.  Mostly though, making chances in us helps us to cope better as it is very difficult to live with a person with BPD traits and disordered behaviors as you describe.

I hope we hear more from you as you settle in.   I also hope you jump into other threads and post as that will help everyone including you.  

"Sometimes making changes in us can help them."
Thanks, Harri. This one sentence says it all.