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So finally after 3 months of pretty well no contact, I am  feeling much better, fleeting moments here and there but I am confident and feel like my old self. I feel strong and not worried about running into her or going back into my old routines.

I finally contacted her to forward the pictures I finally got a from a trip we went on, and just said hope all is well.

I got a response simply saying hey can you give me your friends chucks phone number. (She already has his contact info)

I am so confused as to what this is all about.  A few hours later - my buddy texts me and is like why is your ex contacting me? (he isn't a big fan). 

I can only think of one of 2 things she is trying to make me jealous, or she is looking for her next source.

Any thoughts?

joel050283   :hi:

Yes I think your thoughts could be quite accurate. pwBPDs are known to coerce people into drama triangles (https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle).

Do you see her trying to create a possible triangle between the three of you? If so, what do you want from this situation?

I am not stressed about the situation causing drama, my friend is very loyal she wont be able to cause issues between us.

I guess I am just trying to understand if that its her motivation, so perhaps its time to just reblock all the accounts to avoid any drama, if she is going to involve people in my life.

hi joel  :hi:


its hard to say. did your friend go on the camping trip? did he mention what she said to him when she contacted him?

Hi joel050283,

She hasn’t heard from you in 3 months maybe she lost the contact and was worried that she won’t be able to get in touch with you. If she has him as a contact the. Your friend probably already knows that I wouldn’t go into an explanation there might not be a motive here a pwBPD have poor r/s skills it could be just that. I’d hold off on doing a hard no contact and just wait and see what happens.

Personally it sounds awkward I wouldn’t think too much about it.

*Update.

So the situation turned really weird.

She started the conversation off in email by saying I don't talk to 35 year old men who date 19 year olds (not true).  I explained I don't know what you heard but its not true.  So she was like oh ok I just heard you were.

After the initial contact, she sent me a message and said hey I added you on this chat app, and I lost you phone number. So I figured worst case we can catch up.  She told me I hope you are well.

So I sent an email later that day because I couldn't figure the app out, and gave her my number. So at this point things were going well, were going to check in and see how eachother is - and I made it clear as friends only.

That night I get an email - saying not to contact her anymore she wants nothing to do with me or my life.  So I responded and just said I am confused but ok if that's what you want, I ended contact.

This morning I get a very nasty email telling me where to go and how doesn't give a fly **** about me and never to talk to her.

I am just so perplexed by this behavior... .one minute wants to talk then despises me and nothing happened in between.

Hey Joel, It seems you have crossed paths with the rare Pushmepullyou animal from the tales of Dr. Doolittle!  Seriously, this appears to be another example of "I love you/Go away," the dynamic that is so typical of BPD, in which a pwBPD basically yo-yo's between Fear of Abandonment and Fear of Engulfment, to the frustration of the Non.  It's a roller coaster ride, my friend, until you determine that it's time to get off.

LuckyJim

That makes sense - I am off the rollercoaster, I don't think maintaining and level of contact is going to be healthy, if that is what it is going to be like. I don't need the stress or to waste my time trying to figure out what is going on?

LMAO.

Hey joel, That sounds like a realistic and healthy approach to me!  It's doubtful that you will ever figure out exactly what went on with her because BPD is such a complex disorder.  It's time to move on, my friend.

LJ