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Title: Belief that love can prevail? Post by: Steps31 on January 21, 2019, 03:25:47 PM I'm confused... .
In the section of this site about surviving a breakup - https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality there is a set of what are labeled false beliefs... . One of them is the idea that love can prevail. Well... .if we're not doing all this work (on ourselves, on reading, research, writing, practicing, acting) for love, then what are we doing it for? Excerpt 4) Belief that love can prevail Once these relationships seriously rupture, they are harder to repair than most – many wounds that existed before the relationship have been opened. Of course you have a lot invested in this relationship and your partner has been an integral part of your dreams and hopes - but there are greater forces at play now. For you, significant emotional wounds have been inflicted upon an already wounded soul. To revitalize your end of the relationship, you would need to recover from your wounds and emerge as an informed and loving caretaker – it’s not a simple journey. You need compassion and validation to heal - something your partner most likely won’t understand – and you can’t provide for yourself right now. For your partner, there are longstanding and painful fears, trust issues, and resentments that have been triggered. Your partner is coping by blaming much of it on you. For your partner to revitalize their end of the relationship, they would need to understand and face their wounds and emerge very self-aware and mindful. This is likely an even greater challenge than you face. Title: Re: Belief that love can prevail? Post by: Skip on January 21, 2019, 03:40:11 PM Excerpt This guide explores the struggles of breaking away from this type of relationship and offers suggestions on how you can make it easier on yourself and your partner. 4) Belief that love can prevail Once these relationships seriously rupture, they are harder to repair than most – many wounds that existed before the relationship have been opened. Of course you have a lot invested in this relationship and your partner has been an integral part of your dreams and hopes - but there are greater forces at play now. For you, significant emotional wounds have been inflicted upon an already wounded soul. To revitalize your end of the relationship, you would need to recover from your wounds and emerge as an informed and loving caretaker – it’s not a simple journey. You need compassion and validation to heal - something your partner most likely won’t understand – and you can’t provide for yourself right now. For your partner, there are longstanding and painful fears, trust issues, and resentments that have been triggered. Your partner is coping by blaming much of it on you. For your partner to revitalize their end of the relationship, they would need to understand and face their wounds and emerge very self-aware and mindful. This is likely an even greater challenge than you face. You are reading a guide for breaking away from a relationship. But the point for someone trying to recover a relationship is that it takes more than just love. It dealing with your own struggles and it takes learning caretaker skills... . You say this yourself "work on ourselves, on reading, research, writing, practicing, acting... ." Title: Re: Belief that love can prevail? Post by: once removed on January 21, 2019, 03:43:34 PM i think the belief speaks to an idealized, hollywood style notion of "love will overcome anything".
reality isnt that simple. relationships take work. the belief is talking about realistic expectations and not underestimating what it takes. the article (and belief) speak to a person going through a breakup, where the relationship has been seriously damaged perhaps irreparably, and its saying love alone will not be enough to overcome that. Title: Re: Belief that love can prevail? Post by: Steps31 on January 21, 2019, 03:54:02 PM Right
Thanks guys I'm just trying to gather info from everywhere I can and apply it to a situation where there still can be some hope. I see what the article is saying. Of course, it takes more than just a fantasy of love... . I guess I got into semantics... .where yes, it takes a lot more than just an idea of love, but all the effort I'm putting in is in the Name of love. (Certainly not for fun, or the science) Title: Re: Belief that love can prevail? Post by: once removed on January 21, 2019, 05:13:33 PM not much of a relationship without love
Title: Re: Belief that love can prevail? Post by: Sandb2015 on January 22, 2019, 03:47:57 PM Contrary to things I've read here, I believe Love (not the hollywood bs), but all the things we humans have described what love turns out to be, the infinite variables of give and take, including, acceptance and forgiveness when little is given by someone who wants to but can't find the way.
Love in the fantastical world along with a NYC metrocard will get you on the subway! The connection we call love simply because it, ideas, feelings and emotions, ideals, dreams are like individual drops of water together we call a body of water. It's in the absolute subjective ideas that we can define love, only to ourselves never to another. Why do you love me? There's no definitive answer, It just comes out emotions, nothing tangible. My love, pwBPD asked, "why do you love me" as a precursor to being thrown out. I stuttered, mumbled and might have had a small stroke, I looked for an answer in a way I never did before and nothing. A few weeks later she said she was glad I couldn't answer, even she recognized that there is little literal translation. If we never had a meaningful "connection", the "love" is probably closer to something else, enabling, codependancy, superficial in nature, lonleyness etc. If there is a real connection, ever was, it is real and hope gives the strenth to not give up in the face of adversity. I have hope, I have love, I have a connection I am fighting to help myself see the struggle I choose to become a part of with my pwBPD. She may or may not come around, that's a fact. I've been through so much in my life to be able to keep going until there's nothing to do. I will then say, I can't pursue this and not feel I didn't do everything. If she comes round, I will be grateful and do the healthy things to help and not hurt and hopefully grow even if I choose to know the potential burden in doing so. Hope is no fool---Hope is a fool, only after the fact can we answer. |