BPDFamily.com

 :hi:
That, my friends, is such a  :cursing: quote, it makes me angry!

Harri, your 'Just one thing... . (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=332839.0;all)'-thread really made me put on my thinking cap, especially this:

It is our core strength that gets us through the hard places and enables is to fight to live another, better, happier life.
That core strength is not fed or formed by hardships. It is an intrinsic part of each and every one of us that is always there, no matter how we are trodden on.

If you look back to your younger self, what inner strength got you through, day after day?
I know this is a really hard one for many of us, but lets try to see the inner beauty and strength of our younger self shine through.

I'll try to start with an example:
Roaming from country to country with my parents during my childhood did not make me flexible and empathic. It is my intrinsic flexibility and empathy that helped me stay mentally stable, despite not having a firm footing or a stable environment.

I hope this makes sense, I can't find better words to explain what I mean at the moment... .

Libra.

I see it kinda like taking our accomplishment out of our hands and into the hands of faith or chance, or even worse to the point of having to thank the executioner for our misfortune.


Makes sense to me.
 :hi:

I often think of what inner strengths got me through childhood and all the difficult times that followed. Good question you are asking about what we think our inner strengths were when we were younger that got us through day by day. I believe it is my ability to take feedback from others and desire to grow and be the best person I can be is what separates me both now and when when I was younger from my mother and siblings with BPD/NPD who would rather blame someone else than own their negative behaviors.

What a great idea for a thread Libra.     Looking at our value, what was already there and a part of us because of who we are rather than trying to take the bad and find the positive (nothing wrong with that but this is different).

I agree.  We can hone our strengths but they were already there. 

Inherent flexibility and empathy are wonderful strengths to have and I think are a great example to use.  Someone without those strengths who had to move country to country would have responded quite differently and might have become scarred by the experiences.  Not that they have some sort of deficit though.  Rather it is just not their strength.  I think moving around would have crushed me but I can adapt and be flexible in other ways.

You know, when i wrote what i did in the 'just one thing' thread, I was thinking about how I used to (and still do) consider myself very lucky.  I am on a break from therapy right now but one of my last sessions I was talking about how I got through on dumb luck.  I avoided acting out sexually as a teen, I wanted to drop out of high school but didn't and went on all the way to graduate school, I 'stumbled on to' a good career without much thought, I got into drugs a bit as a teen but no addictions, no arrests or other horrible things. 

She kept telling me that my so called luck were actual conscious decisions I made... .and I am starting to see that now.  I still think I am lucky... .but maybe it is not all dumb luck?

So yeah, I think I understand Libra.   

Snap, thank you for getting it. I have a hard time transferring thoughts and feelings to words, and you transcribed it perfectly: they are our accomplishments, and we have a right to be proud of them. Coincidence and luck have little to nothing to do with it.

Zachira, those are great inner strengths you list. Being able to own your own stuff, both the positive and negative, is something to be proud of. Taking the negative head on and working to move forward and grow are what, I think, we are all striving for. Recognizing you had this in you even in the hardest days is a very sturdy foundation to build on. Good for you!

Harri, as always you’ve managed to regroup my jumbled thoughts and phrase them in an communicative fashion I am not capable of (yet - keeping it positive!). Thank you for that. I do agree with your T though, and I applaud the choices the younger you made for herself. The only luck you had was being the person you are, if that makes any sense.

As for me, I am proud of having been stubborn enough to keep following my own path. I may have made some detours I would have preferred to avoid, but in general I kept to moving forward, even if it seemed everyone was heading out the other way.

  to all of you.

Libra.

Libra “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger” unless it's cancer or Aids or ... .that phrase really bugged me too. Our upbringings gave us PTSD and the like ? I believe it originates from the practice of taking small amounts of a poison, in order to become immune to that poison. It's also how many medications work.

Inner strength:  being part of the alternative crowd and having good friends gave me strength. Connecting with people. Having a quick sense of humour and being a good debater was a great defence mechanism. We moved around also, so joining a school half way through with a funny accent, requires a defence system. Also art and drama were very therapeutic because it was confirmation I was good at stuff, regardless of what my BPD said.  I'm very impressed with all the languages you know, I struggle with just English.

HappyC, exactly! Some poisons are toxic in even the smallest amounts. It's just as bad as the saying 'I did it for your own good'. Ugh. No, you did not! <insert ReallyAngryEmoji here>.

A quick mind and a sharp tongue can go a long way in braking the ice when applied in a positive manner. I was also part of the alternative crowd, but that was mainly because I didn't undestand a word anyone was saying the first few weeks. Talk about not conforming. 
Thank God for external confirmation, right? I had a few very good teachers though the years. They helped me believe in myself just that little bit to keep me going.

Libra.

Hi Libra :hi:

In Parrot World we still use the complete version of this saying:

"There are many forms of death and physical is just one. There is also spiritual, emotional and mental death. What doesn't kill you physically, hopefully still leaves you with an opportunity to heal physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. After surviving all you've been through, your efforts directed at continued healing and growth will make you stronger and more whole." -- A very old parrot

Take care

The Board Parrot

Nothing wiser than a Parrot (and Beagles and Pandas and Llamas).

Thank you Kwamina, for pointing out the true and much more positive meaning!

 

Libra.