BPDFamily.com

Hello,
This is my first post. I am a mom with a beautiful and intelligent 15 year old whom was just diagnosed with BPD. In my heart, I’ve known since about age 9 that something was very different in the way my daughter processed her emotions. In grammar school she was always teachers favorite. A bright future seemed to be ahead for my girl. At about age 9, a very intense irratibility came about. What was puzzling to me is that she continued holding it together at school, but seemed to unload on me at home. Constant advice I received from friends is that it’s apparent she can control her behavior so she needs strong discipline. This proved to be huge battles and exhausting for everyone. At age 10 she began therapy, very reluctantly. She was diagnosed with ODD, but I knew this was not right. A year of therapy was a total waste of time, so I read, sought therapy with my husband and we learned to just accept who she was and work with her challenges. Now at age 15 with a proper diagnosis, I’m not able to get her to agree to therapy, or even the bio neuro, DNA and blood tests that the doctor ordered. I believe she doesn’t trust anyone including me. I have spent the past several years reading and researching and I know I have all of the tools in place to help her, but she refuses. She did make a Suicidology attempt 2 days after This last Christmas. I am in high gear now with attempting to put a treatment plan in place. I found a wonderful doctor who does DBT and many other treatments but she refuses to get help. I need advice on how others have crossed this roadblock. My daughter has wonderful potential in this world. She is sensitive, creative and extremely intelligent and I pray every day that I can lead her down the path of achieving her best and fullest potential.

Gosh, I have no tricks to get a child to therapy that doesn't want to go. It's one thing if they are legal adults, quite another when they are a minor and adulthood is rapidly approaching. My undiagnosed 12 year old grandson has always been cooperative. He started therapy when he was 4. And meds, and all of it. Your girl sounds so lovely and I'm sorry that she doesn't see how lucky she is to have a parent/person in her life that has access to all those great resources. So, I'm here just to say hi, your journey is familiar to many of us. I'm sure others will be along soon for support and ideas. Is your girl aware of her diagnosis? Maybe she needs to time for it to sink in. And there are probably websites and resources where kids her age can talk in a safe way.

Hello Wishful healing  :hi:

I join TiredGma in welcoming you to BPD Family. We have a lot of resources here, tools we use to communicate with our loved ones with BPD, articles, and of course the collective wisdom of many parents who have travelled, are travelling, similar journeys. You are not alone.

It's great you and your H sought out therapy for yourselves, are on the same page in accepting her and working with her challenges. I'm so sorry your daughter is refusing any treatment. Does she say why she is refusing to go?

Here's an article that you might find helpful in answering your question:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

What are the behaviors you find most challenging when dealing with your DD?

Again, welcome!

~ OH

I am new here too.  When I read your post, I really thought that it was our story that you were writing.
The irritable 9 year old... .  The year of ODD therapy ( what a waste!  I agree!)   
Our daughter agrees to go to therapy, but sometimes doesn't participate.  When she lost all her friends at school and was kicked out of chorus, she agreed to residential school and more intensive counseling.   I guess that was her hitting rock bottom.
I wish there was an easy answer.  Once my child stopped performing well in school, she knew that she needed a change.
I hope that the support we find here helps us heal and work with our kids who are struggling.

That had to be so frightening to discover her suicide attempt, Wishful healing. Holidays are so hard and can amplify difficult feelings.

Have you heard of the book BPD in Adolescence by Blaise Aguirre, MD?  There are also some youtube videos online that are very helpful.

She may not be ready yet for therapy and there are still things you can do to help heal. SD21 was a phone call away from being institutionalized when she was 16 and identifying as transgender male. In a few months she graduates from college and has a steady boyfriend. There is still a lot of work ahead and we are grateful for the tiny little changes that we created to help stabilize her. New ways of relating and communicating we learned here -- they are not intuitive and must be learned.

You are in the right place. There are many members who have walked in your shoes and are here for you