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Title: Need advice on how to protect my child Post by: Abc99 on January 30, 2019, 02:08:39 PM Hi
Really hoping for some advice here! I've known for a few months that my partner has BPD and his behaviour has become more difficult in the past year since having our baby. Anyway the baby is starting to notice things as she is 14 months old. Does anyone have any tips on how to make things easier with a child involved? I'm following advice on not Jadeing, not invalidating and trying best to be empathetic. Today my partner angrily told me they he couldn't hold our daughter and put her vest on (as a way of letting me know I needed to help him). Whilst this is something I manage to do all the time, I didn't say this to him, I just said why don't you just ask me what you'd like me to do and say 'can you help me hold her lease?' Unfortunately this made my partner even angrier and I received the usual diatribe and verbal abuse (how I'm a bully and unwell/depressed and not fit to be a mother). I just kept calmly asking him to please not speak to me in that way in front of our daughter. This boundary is still not working and he does not listen to it. I'm worried about the impact on our daughter of witnessing his behaviour. I have on the whole stopped responding to his angry outbursts and I just take myself out of the equation (with my daughter) but this can't be the only way to protect my daughter from his behaviour? Any thoughts appreciated - thank you Title: Re: Need advice on how to protect my child Post by: worriedStepmom on January 31, 2019, 03:27:40 AM I just kept calmly asking him to please not speak to me in that way in front of our daughter. This boundary is still not working and he does not listen to it. Boundaries are about you, not about him. Asking him not to do something is not a boundary - it's a request. A boundary is "If you do X, I will do Y." Then you consistently do Y. "If you speak negatively to me, I will leave the room/not accompany you on the outing/etc." It takes a lot of practice. |