BPDFamily.com

Hello! My mother has struggled with anxiety and depression our whole lives and along with that she’s controlling and manipulative. Growing up she has threatened suicide and locked herself in her bedroom if things didn’t go her way. Fast forward 30 yrs and she’s attempted suicide and has displayed violent behavior and attention seeking behavior. She has been bakeracted 4 times and has 0 contact with my children. She cannot admit anything that she has ever done wrong in any situation. Everything is everyone else’s fault. She has aggression when she feels “dissed” , that is her favorite word! Ugh She is real quick to throw dishes all over the floor, hit someone, and screams and cries all the time. I could go on and in. Her last bakeract was in November after she cut her wrists and neck in front of me (very superficial cuts) and was in hospital for a month. I was assigned to be her guardian since I was the only person in her life who cared or called. She lied to everyone in hospital and her diagnosis was bipolar 2 without psychosis. They  misdiagnosed her and never had her sign her paperwork upon discharge and the medicine she was prescribed was never called in to pharmacy and she never got a script for it. She came out of hospital saying see there is nothing wrong with me . I don’t even need medication! You are all just stupid and I hate you etc etc. sound familiar anyone? I would love some suppor and advice I’m really struggling here. Thank you so much

Hi and welcome to the board though I am sorry for what being you here I am glad you found us. 

You are in the right place for support from people who can relate, at least to having a parent with BPD or BPD traits and some of the behaviors you mentioned.  Reading and posting here will help you see that you are not alone and can help you learn some coping strategies too so I hope you settle in.   

It sounds like she fell through the cracks after being in the hospital and that must be incredibly frustrating.  It also sounds like it may have reinforced her belief that she is not the problem.  Ugh. 

How much contact do you typically have with her?  What is her living situation like?  Sorry to hit you with questions.  Obviously share what you are comfortable with so feel free to disregard. 

What do you do to take care of you?  Are you good with boundaries?

I hope to talk more with you soon.

I hope you are keeping yourself safe and good keeping your children safe. 

Have you contacted Adult Protective Services for help?

Hi Everleigh,

So sorry you’re having to deal with this, it sound tough. Do you feel getting your Mom to take the medication would be the quick fix ? Is there any way you could present this as a positive thing, that doesn’t appear as criticism of your Mom ? A bit like taking vitamins ? My mom refused her medication, and went to Yoga just once, to prove it doesn’t’ work. But when we recommended palates for her back ache (rather than Yoga to reduce stress) she went for that, still goes, she brags like an 8 year old child about it. As if going to Palates was some major achievement (this is a woman that never worked a day in her life).

BPD are purposefully difficult , in order to get you to give up. It works well in a busy health service, where time is money. My BPD mom was exactly the same, unfortunately. It does sound like you are doing all you can, so well done on that. We can’t change other people's behaviour.

How are you yourself coping ? Are you getting the breaks you need ? Because that's much easier issue to solve, you can change. If a stranger looked after your Mom, would she have less scope to play F.O.G. ? Would she play the drama as much ?

A lot of docs do not tell a person with BPD that they have BPD because it is pointless.

So what are you looking for in life? How do you imagine your future?