BPDFamily.com

 :hi:

My son28 has done well learning “on the job”. He refuses treatment and so personal relationships are tricky. He has few people in his life, and none of them understand BPD so they rub sometimes. He doesn’t trust them. He also becomes unstable when faced with a perfectly normal situation - like somebody arriving late.

This happened last week when his boss was 35 minutes late. . He was angry, resentful and they both spent their day working in an atmosphere of tension.

Son28 calls me up to vent and for emotional support. This rarely happens now as I’ve left him to his own life. He turns to me and us because he knows we won’t react like his friends.

What is a constant in these last 4 years is that he is incredibly lonely. People do not understand him. He is bored of his existence, yet doesn’t have the self confidence to take a class or meet new friends. He said he’s spent 2 years wanting to do a class. His job is incredibly hard physically and he feels stuck in his existence.

I was hoping that a change in his living situation would open up his life. We talked about it and he just said “I’m not ready”.  I got side tracked in our talk and his walls went up when he felt my reaction to him saying I can’t sleep without smoking a spliff.

I’m wandering here. Rambling.

I think my point is: if our BPD are lonely then they will seek us out. They can become dependant on us because they do not have a life partner to share their every day stuff.

I will be glad when son28 moves on. It won’t be happening for awhile as the house is back up for sale. Son will not be proactive.

I’ve become aware of just how much money son28 earns. He juggles his money, says I’m only just managing week to week. I’m just existing. I’m putting this in capitals. HE EARNS  MORE THAN ENOUGH, MOST OF HIS MONEY GOES ON FOOD AND DRUGS. What a complete waste - his dealer must be happy.

Me and my husband talked about this TRUTH. I said 4 years ago - his habit is unsustainable. Ggggrrrrrrr.  I feel I need to be stronger and clearer using SET the next time he complains about his financial situation.

LP

 

Hi LP
I can relate to what you are saying about BPD and loneliness. The behavior this illness causes can really put people off and make relationships hard
 My DS24 is also lonely. He can make friends but it is hard for him to keep them. The only stable relationships he has are with me and his dad. We will always love him no matter what and he knows that. Of course neither one of us will live forever and it is likely the day will come when we will no longer be physically present. My hope and prayer is that by that time the love he knows with us will have helped him heal to the point he can know love with others and, since we are all people of faith, he will know a deeper love of God.

Hi


Well said. I guess that’s all we can hope for,

Lp