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She was travelling for the last couple of weeks - and now I'm travelling, for work.  Usually when I travel for work she gets upset if I don't call every hour, she asks constantly what I'm doing and who I'm with, and she talks about how much she loves and misses me.

This time - its totally relaxed.  It's like I've waited years for this.  She calls and texts but she's okay if I can't talk, she doesn't need to hear from me every hour, she's being totally independent yet still loving and sweet.

Just before I left, I had a little meltdown - told her the stress was really affecting me because I couldn't get enough work done, and because she was always mad at me, I felt like a failure at home and at work.  Is it possible she was able to change her behaviour because she saw how it was affecting me?  She even said she would make arrangements so I don't have to do school pickup, so I can work a full day.  Yesterday she said she put the girls to bed herself and it went well and she wants to continue that, not to leave me out, but it does work well.  She said something about wanting to be able to do it on her own.

It's bizarre.  Is this temporary?  I'm so happy that there's no pressure on me.  I've never had a work trip like this one.

I am so so happy and relieved there isn't so much pressure.  But somehow part of me is worried.

Also, some part of me misses her need to hear from me - is that crazy?  I want to know she still loves and needs me.  It's what I've always wanted, yet it makes me worry that she doesn't 'need' me.
Ultimately I shouldn't mistake that neediness for love.  This is real love without the dependency.

Can anyone explain it?  Should I be worried about the relationship?  Is this temporary or can I just enjoy the natural relaxed connection?

One more thing... .the other day, when she was away, I bought clothes for myself.  I went out on a limb and didn't send her pictures to approve them.  I tried them on for her when she got home and she didn't criticize any of it!

It is such a good sign and such a good feeling - but again a real 180 from everything else the last 3 years.  Should I be hopeful, or is this actually a sign that she doesn't care anymore... .that the relationship is ending?
Such a strange thought, but I can't really understand this huge change.

I think, living with someone with a personality disorder, we get so used to the chaos, that the calm is almost terrifying. I believe that's perfectly normal. I know when my H has been in a cycle of dysregulations, when he's in a good mood, I'm almost more on edge than when he's flipping out.

Yes, it may be temporary. BPD doesn't just disappear. But if she did have some self-awareness and pull back to help you, I would think that's a good sign?

If I were you, I would enjoy the lull. Reinforce the "good behavior." But don't completely let your guard down and think it's over for good.