BPDFamily.com

I just read this article. It's super long and academic, but I think I understand that it says people with BPD have a harder time when they're in close social contact with someone, as in a romantic relationship.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4993692/

I have wondered if pwBPD are less impulsive and more regulated when they are single. Maybe they crave relationships but really do better without them. Or maybe this is just what I want to think in order to feel better about my recent break-up.

What do you think?

Usually yes, but it depends on the context.

While not being within an intimate relationship, they won't have anyone to strongly trigger their wounds and no one to whom direct their emotions and create conflict with, which then may result in greater stability. On the other hand, the lack of having someone to care for them may make them struggle with loneliness and feelings of unworthiness.

I believe that for someone who is deeply affected, the most stable setup is to live by themselves while still having people who can provide support on demand at a close reach, given that those supporters will never get personal, even if attacked. That may be unrealistic, but there is one setup that is close enough to this. It is a psychiatric hospital that has a private room for the patient. Not a life-time recommendation, but might be the best route when things really go awry. And the controlled/balanced hospital food may also be beneficial, IMHO.

There is a renown psychiatrist in Brazil named Ana Beatriz who explicitly asks her BPD patients to remain single for the length of their recovery, so that together they (patient and therapist) can find out her real identity, preferences and desires. I believe that being stable is also one of the reasons why she asks for this. Here is one of her videos on BPD topic:

https://youtu.be/Wrmb5zteFAI (https://youtu.be/Wrmb5zteFAI)

That’s an interesting question, and I think a lot of people here have probably wondered something similar, especially after a breakup.

From what many people notice, it’s often less about someone being better off single and more about how close relationships can activate deeper emotional patterns. When there’s distance, things can look more stable simply because fewer triggers are being activated.

In closer relationships, especially where there’s emotional attachment, things like fear of loss, sensitivity to rejection, or feeling misunderstood can come up more strongly. That can make the ups and downs feel more intense, even if those same patterns aren’t as visible when someone is on their own.

A lot of this lines up with basic attachment theory, which looks at how people respond to closeness and emotional bonds. You might come across terms like anxious attachment or attachment activation if you decide to look into it more. Those ideas can help explain why things often feel more intense in close relationships.

So what you’re noticing isn’t uncommon, and it’s not necessarily about one person being too much or relationships being the problem.