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Title: Broken up with by girlfriend with BPD Post by: crazyinlove77 on February 07, 2019, 09:48:36 PM I've been in a relationship with a woman I believe has BPD, although she's never been diagnosed with it. The relationship was great the first few months and then we started having problems. She seemed withdrawn from the relationship and when I told her how I was feeling or what I needed, she would twist things around to make me think it was my fault. There were times when it was so draining but I love her and I see a future with her. The last couple of weeks she's been unsure about the relationship. And then today she decided to end things because she feels lost and wants to find herself and figure out what makes her happy. I love her and want her to feel complete but I really didn't want things to end. How should I handle this? I have a hard time keeping in contact with people after we break up. It's not good for me mentally and emotionally. Could she come back? Do I go no contact? Her brain works completely different than anyone I've met so I don't know what the best approach is. Please help!
Title: Re: Broken up with by girlfriend with BPD Post by: Luan on February 07, 2019, 11:53:42 PM :hi:
Welcome to the boards and hope you're doing ok CIL77, You've come to the right place, and sounds like you are asking the right questions, now is a time to do everything very slowly and thoughtfully. she's never been diagnosed Your and her perceptions of this situation are obviously worlds apart right now, so your first port of call is to accept the situation as graciously as possible. Try not to invalidate her feelings by saying she is wrong, reminding her of the good times, or argue any point. If you are in contact, accept her feelings as they are expressed, even sympathise with how difficult they might be for her. She seemed withdrawn from the relationship and when I told her how I was feeling or what I needed, she would twist things around to make me think it was my fault. There were times when it was so draining but I love her and I see a future with her. Case in point, no more talk of your needs if possible, or the future you see. She has to be the one to reach out for these now, and that may take some time. You have the benefit of insight and seeing what has transpired, her feelings have disregulated and no amount of talking about them will bring them back straight away, only drive her further away. You must stand besides her, and her view as much as possible, and then remove yourself for your own health and care. How should I handle this? I have a hard time keeping in contact with people after we break up. It's not good for me mentally and emotionally. Could she come back? Do I go no contact? By all means if you think you should, explain that you care and love her (I'm sure you already have) and that you are there for her whenever she needs, but beyond that, your absence is the bet gift you can give at the moment. And it sounds like for you, this will also be of great assistance. She will need time to regulate her thoughts and emotions, and the less damage done now, the more likely you two will be able to talk sometime in the future. I am sure you will be reading many threads in the forum, and having a look at articles, so good luck with gathering as much information as possible, as she is undiagnosed you have try and master these skills alone for now, but they will serve you well in life. All the best |