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Title: I said something wrong (again) HOW DO I STOP? Post by: radoe on February 18, 2019, 08:02:41 AM We were talking about how she feel guilty nor helping enough.
My partner with BPD said she knows I am resentful I said my conscious mind know you are helping, my subconscious mind thinks you could help more. My conscious mind controls the subconscious. My partner with BPD said she was sorry some stuff did not get put away. I said I brought to much over, you got overwhelmed that is why it has been there for weeks Now my partner is angry I said I would pray for us But I am hiding behind a bible (what?) That it is unforgivable that she has lived with me in denial for 20 years. What am I in denial about? I am thinking to wait for this to pass Any advice? Title: Re: I said something wrong (again) HOW DO I STOP? Post by: Purplex on February 18, 2019, 11:09:05 AM Excerpt My partner with BPD said she was sorry some stuff did not get put away. I said I brought to much over, you got overwhelmed that is why it has been there for weeks Now my partner is angry These are explanations that come to mind: Is it possible that she didn't feel validated by your answer? Maybe she didn't feel overwhelmed but something else and is angry that you assumed that she felt that way? Or she felt like you brushed off her apology by taking some of the blame yourself? Maybe it could also help to take a more solution orientated approach to those conversations. Instead of 'explaining' why things are as they are, offer encouragement or a possible solution instead? (e.g. "I appreciate your apology and I know it is a lot, maybe you can do it later/tomorrow/some other time?") My bf sometimes genuinely doesn't know how to schedule choires he needs to do and gets frustrated. It helps if I propose a plan that we can discuss. Not sure if this makes sense and applies to your situation, for the moment I agree that it's probably best to wait it out. Title: Re: I said something wrong (again) HOW DO I STOP? Post by: radoe on February 18, 2019, 11:29:51 AM Purplex
That helps, I also have organizational issues. (it drives my wife to anger) I did not validate I did not use SET It is hard to do this all the time. I fail, as I let my guard down, I respond emotionally, rather then with my mind. |