BPDFamily.com

good mornin... i am new here, so i will try and keep this short... my husband has bp and BPD... we have been together for seven years... oh yes he is an alocholic also... I have left several times just to get sucked back in... i guess i shouldnt say that when i went back he was back to being level so id go back... .Even though i know he does not mean the things he says it is so hurtful... .this time i have been gone for 5 months ... he drank the whole time i was gone ... he was on line on dating sights nasty sights ... he even hired a private invesigator to find an old girlfriend... i left ... .he ended up in the er 5 times since oct to jan 2019... in hopes id come back to take care of him again... .i told myself you cant... you are trying to do the samething over and over again expecting different results... .so we just text and he swears this time he is going to a inpatient program in walla walla as  soon as there is a bed open... this place deals with bp and alochol...   so i live with my mom who absoulty hates him, and she she a counclor who tells her hes mean and i should stay away... even though this dr does speacialse in bp and all mental disoders, she has adviced me to leave him... I feel im brain washed ... if i leave hell feel abonded if i stay its aways the same... plus i have no job been looking and my mom said if i go back i cant come back here... I told my husband he needs to go to treatment take care of himself and me too and we will see when he gets back... one step at a time... im so comfused and hurting... i feel like he is my husbandand i should stand by him no matter what... aarrgghh   any thoughts from this group... thank you for listening  spokane1

Hi  spokane1,

Oh wow that's a tough spot to be in you don't want to go back because you want your H to get treatment, you're currently unemployed and your mom was kind enough to give you a place to stay but if you go back she won't take you back.



Your mom is trying to help but a r/s is something between two people it's nobody else's business what goes on in a r/s between those two. Your not the P's patient they really shouldn't be giving advice through a third party. It's easy for someone on the outside of a r/s to give advice but things are not so black and white it's a lot more complicated then that, in the end it's your choice with what you want to do for yourself, we'll support you through this, how long is the waiting list with the program? Do you have an idea of how long it's going to take? What are the other issues in the r/s?

Hi and welcome to the board though I am sorry for what being you here.  You have found a place here where people get it and can relate so I hope you settle in and read and post and jump into other threads.  It sounds like you need a lot of support right now and we can help with that.  Things can get better.

I think this is a good especially because he is the one who wants inpatient treatment.  If he were not willing, that would be different as we can't force someone to get help. 
In the meantime, you can learn communication tools that can improve things for you while you are separated.  They can also help you with your mom who, as Mutt said, is means well but is not really being helpful.  Have you had a chance to do some reading here?  We have tons of articles and such but I am not sure which ones to talk about yet.  I hope you share some more and maybe some specific things you would like some help with.

Again, *welcome*