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Title: I haven't changed Post by: Vexed on February 26, 2019, 05:06:26 AM Realized after last night that although I'm much wiser I'm concerned nothing has changed in who I'm attracted to.
Story: So I'm on vacation in the Philippines visiting a friend and island hoping which I decided to do after my recent breakup (2+ months ago) to hopefully help me move forward and treat myself. Been going to bed early and mainly doing daytime activities like swimming and scuba. Until last night I had no interest in any nightlife/drinking. Yesterday was my last night of vacation and my first night alone so I was bored and curious. Well I ended up at a bikini bar... I have to say had the best time I've had in years. I didn't do anything with any of the girls, I just sat at the bar bought a few rounds of drinks, talked, flirted, and laughed a lot. Now while these girls are extremely different from your typical American strippers it's still the same story, I find myself highly attracted to girls with problems and wanting to help. I can't ditch the knight in shining armor thing. There are a couple silver linings like feeling normal again for the first time since the breakup. But anyways I don't think it's anything I didn't know and it reinforces that I definitely need some therapy. Title: Re: I haven't changed Post by: Lucky Jim on February 26, 2019, 09:26:59 AM Hey Vexed, I would argue that you have changed because now you are mindful of yourself. You didn't do anything with any of the women. You are aware of your tendency to be a knight in shining armor. You realize that you are attracted to women with issues. Awareness is everything in my view, because with awareness you are in a position to choose and make changes. You are on your way, my friend. Sure, meeting with a T is a good thing to keep you on track.
LuckyJim Title: Re: I haven't changed Post by: once removed on February 26, 2019, 11:34:53 AM addicts have self awareness. so do serial killers
change is about making better choices. I find myself highly attracted to girls with problems and wanting to help. I can't ditch the knight in shining armor thing. while it sounds noble, when we gravitate toward this as a relationship model, its often less about being attracted to the person, and more about what we get out of it. and that has a lot to do with how we see ourselves, and where we get our sense of self worth. so i would ask myself where that comes from, what ive gotten out of it. i dont think we just "change who we are attracted to". i think its more about identifying, and gravitating, consciously and practically, to a healthier model of relationships, ourselves, and the ways we relate to other people. Title: Re: I haven't changed Post by: Lucky Jim on February 26, 2019, 12:29:42 PM Excerpt change is about making better choices. Right, OR, which is why I wrote: Excerpt with awareness you are in a position to choose and make changes. If you are "in a position to choose," then you can make better choices. LJ |