|
Title: Does it mean she doesn't care...? Post by: Omega1 on March 04, 2019, 02:02:48 PM I'm travelling for work this week - I asked if she would be okay if I stayed an extra night, and she said she thinks its healthy for us to have more time apart.
We've been talking about that a lot lately, because there is so much fighting and it has been emotionally exhausting for both of us... This will sound strange - but I'm worried! A few months ago, she would get so angry and upset if I wanted to go out for dinner with my colleague when I was travelling. She couldn't understand why I would do that when its not a friend, it's a work colleague. Now - she said she's okay if I stay in the same hotel room with that person, to save the money so I can stay an extra night. What does this mean? This is what I've been wanting, reasonable and rational and flexible. But she has never been okay with it. It makes me feel that perhaps she doesn't love me anymore? How backward is this... I've always wanted something healthy and some trust both ways. But now she is giving it to me and I wonder why. Title: Re: Does it mean she doesn't care...? Post by: Purplex on March 04, 2019, 03:00:36 PM Excerpt But she has never been okay with it. It makes me feel that perhaps she doesn't love me anymore? Is there any other reason for you to think that? Looking at your previous posts it seems like the situation was similar when you travelled one month ago, she was relaxed and didn't put pressure on you. You are learning to be less reactive and more validating, you told her how the stress was affecting you and it sounds like you had meaningful conversations about what both of you need from eachother and how to improve the relationship. These are good reasons for her to feel more save and relaxed. Maybe she can see a bit clearer now how her behavior is affecting you. You changed - it's possible for her to change too, despite BPD. Whatever her reasoning is, I would say enjoy the peace as long as it lasts and have a good time! Maybe plan something nice for her when you come back to reinforce the positive developement and show her how happy you are and how much you appreciate her trust? Title: Re: Does it mean she doesn't care...? Post by: Steps31 on March 04, 2019, 03:32:03 PM Do you have something to give her to remind her of you (and your relationship) while you're gone?
Title: Re: Does it mean she doesn't care...? Post by: Omega1 on March 04, 2019, 04:07:57 PM Oh wow - thank you. How wonderful for you to be able to reflect on my past posts and see my history. You're right! It was better last time too. I do really think she realizes how her behaviour is affecting me and that it is impacting the relationship.
I will do what you both suggested - and ensure I reinforce this. You have also put my mind at ease... |