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Little back story. My ex ghosted me after a couple years of dating. Literally vanished into thin air. It literally DESTROYED ME. Plus she had our kid. Well 5 years later. The child isn’t even mine. I am enjoying life and my ex is like a dream that happened. I’m dating someone new and we are doing great. I learned a lot about myself during that time. We I stopped blaming and hating her I felt better. I stopped asking “why” did “she” do this to me? I started asking WHY I LET IT HAPPEN? That helped. Now 5 years later my career is amazing and I have an amazing woman in my life whom I can communicate with openly. Stop asking why they did you wrong. And start asking why you allow it to happen. We can blame BPDs all day but what good does that do? None. Heal yourself.

I'm so glad you're doing well, hurting, and that you've found peace and success in your life.

While I do feel like we nons do play a role in the relationship dynamics, focusing solely on the pwBPD isn't productive. We can't change them. We can't force change on them. We have to pay attention to our own health and our own patterns and habits. That's what we can control and what can make all the difference between a happy life and a miserable one. Blaming them and focusing on them too much is just wallowing.

Hi hurting300  :hi:

I remember you and your story, the hurt, the pain, but most of all the anger. It's fantastic to hear where you are today.  I think for there to be healing we really do need to circle back around to ourselves and look at the choices we make and why BPD relationship or no BPD relationship.  I'm glad doing that made something click for you and has created a change going forward.

Wishing you continued happiness 

Panda39

i remember you well, hurting300. thanks for checking in and dropping some hope!


what happened here?

I'm only three months into detachment and your story is inspirational! So great of you to post an update. I need to hear that nonBP's are finding peace, love and happiness. Thank you!

How are your kids?

Hi hurting300,  :hi:

Im glad to hear that things are going well for you after 5 years. I agree with putting yourself in the role of survivor and then thrives we all get there our own way. It helps to validate your experience I had a lot to say and I had invalidating people around me in real life. This board was a life saver. It takes time, have a goal something that you can work towards. 

It takes TIME to heal. But did I learn from both my mistakes and hers? Yes I did. Yeah we can and do blame the pwBPD but until we look at ourselves and ask “why” on all levels we will never be healthy emotionally. In my opinion she is an evil sick woman. She has been in numerous relationships since me. I waited. I went to therapy and understand the bigger picture. I hope she finds peace. I just woke up an hour ago to a note from my girlfriend telling me to have a great day. That feels so wonderful having someone that gives as much as I do. All of you can and will find that.

Great post hurting300, good to hear about your progress. I am out two years and some, still learning and slowly getting better, it takes time to understand and to arrive at a place where you can get out if the fog and the gaslighting suffered along the way. Thank you!