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Title: setting boundaries, moving Post by: BlueDog on March 09, 2019, 06:34:51 PM Hi BPD Family,
I struggle to set boundaries with my BPD parent, even struggling to tell this parent how I feel (emotionally), so as to avoid an angry defensive response. As soon as I finish school and have a job I would like to move closer to work and a little further away from home, but I fear my BPD parent will want me close by (BPD parent would like me to live across the street). My BPD parent has stated that I would be safer if I lived closer to home. How do I lovingly say I need to be further away for work and independence? Any suggestions? Thank you! Title: Re: setting boundaries, moving Post by: Harri on March 09, 2019, 07:31:47 PM Hi Bluedog and welcome to the site! I am glad you found us though sorry for the need.
Excerpt I struggle to set boundaries with my BPD parent, even struggling to tell this parent how I feel (emotionally), so as to avoid an angry defensive response. A lot of us try to avoid dysregulations by not saying things, avoiding certain topics, etc. I generally do not favor avoidance most of the time but when it comes to sharing feelings, I was always hesitant to share because they were later used against me. Do you experience any of that? What does help when I am talking with people now is to use I statements and focus on my feelings about the behaviors or events. When I tried that with my disordered mom, she used it as proof that all I cared about was myself <sighs> So what does a conversation with your mom look and sound like?Excerpt How do I lovingly say I need to be further away for work and independence? Any suggestions? Well, my first response is to say that you don't need to explain anything. Just make the choices that are right for you and then tell them "I am moving to____ and working ____ ". My second response is to ask you questions. When will you finish school? Do you ever have success with boundaries with your mom? What do they look and sound like? Can you give us an example?Sorry to hit you with so many questions. It is hard to help you work things out without some details. Boundaries can be a bit tricky to understand how best to use them. We also have other communication tools and strategies that can help quite a bit. Learning all of this takes time and practice so lets see what we can come up with okay? Title: Re: setting boundaries, moving Post by: Kwamina on March 10, 2019, 06:35:38 AM Hi BlueDog :hi:
I'd like to join Harri aka Boss Beagle in welcoming you to our online community You mention your BPD parent. What are the main BPD characteristics that you see in your parent? You mention trying to avoid angry defensive responses. Are there also other behaviors your parent exhibits that you find difficult to deal with? Take care The Board Parrot |