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Title: Fighting all the time - everything makes her upset and I react Post by: Omega1 on March 14, 2019, 12:58:09 PM I still can't stop reacting to her anger, mean and punishing behaviour.
I'm travelling for work and every time we talk on the phone, we fight. We have decided only to text because then she can't hang up on me! When I get home I'm living elsewhere for 2 weeks - trying this again... I wonder if maybe I only have to deal with it in small doses, maybe I can teach myself not to get hooked... Title: Re: Fighting all the time - everything makes her upset and I react Post by: MidnightSun on March 14, 2019, 01:01:55 PM Do you want to avoid getting hooked into reacting, or avoid getting hooked into the relationship?
I am all too familiar with received anger, mean words and punishing behavior. I have to go on a business trip in two weeks and given our current relationship, I am scared to death that this will lead to the end. I too am trying to learn how to react better to being persecuted constantly. It is very hard not to retaliate with similar words and point out the truth in the situation versus being viewed as turning things around on the other person. Title: Re: Fighting all the time - everything makes her upset and I react Post by: Radcliff on March 15, 2019, 11:31:17 PM Regardless of what means of communication you use, learning how not to react to provocations is one of the first things we need to master in order to manage a BPD relationship. Have you read this page on how not to “justify, argue, defend, or explain” (JADE) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=139972.0)? Do you see opportunities to adopt those changes to reduce the conflict?
Take a look as well at this page on ending conflict (https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict). Do you see any opportunities there? RC |