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This morning I prayed that I could find someone, anyone, who could understand in some small way the nightmare that is this Jeckel/Hyde, prince/demon I’m married to. I don’t think I can bear to tell my whole story yet again. Twelve years of agony. There is little I haven’t done or tried. However, for now my decision is to stay with him. Divorcing him now would mean losing 50% custody of my six year old daughter and that would be disastrous for her. What I’m here to find is emotional support and encouragement when the wind is kicked out of me yet again when I least expect it. When he seems to be getting along so well and then POW! I accidentally hit a trigger and suddenly I’m split all bad. Days like today I don’t know how much more I can take. Saturday afternoon he absolutely erupted. Even his physical appearance seemed to change as his mental state triggered over to an uncontrolled rage. My unpardonable sin? I told him my plan to hang family photos along the stairway  of our new house. He, on the other hand, thinks NOTHING should be hung on the walls and anything other than that is blatant disrespect of him and his feelings. He has slept in the upstairs guest room the past two nights, spoken to me and treated me with utter contempt in front of out daughter and just now called to tell me he is taking our daughter to stay at his mothers house tonight. I know that if this episode is anything like all the many others before it, he will do this for several days, maybe even a week or longer, and eventually it will come to some sort of head. That’s the part I’m dreading. When I’ve stood my ground before he’s actually gone so far as to push divorce again. I don’t think he would actually go through with it but it sickens me to even go there. I just wish I had a tool in my grasp that would bring me some sort of peace, give me some sense of control! I feel so helpless!

Hi Leigh48 and welcome!

You're definitely in the right place - all of us here understand what it's like living with a Jekyll and Hyde personality.

Can you describe what happened about hanging the photos? What he said, what you said and did. That way we can see the dynamic and make some suggestions that may help.

Also, click on the "Tools" tab at the top of the page and start reading... You'll find a lot of useful information and skills there, particularly the workshops: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36  (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36)

Hang in there... we're here to help 

That sounds absolutely awful. I can see that you see no way to approach him. However, when he is calm you need to try to communicate to him that this is awful for your daughter the most. From your description it seems that he has no regards for you during these times. I think a key thing you wrote was that he felt disrespected. There is a good section here about validation and invalidation, Look on the home page Communication skills. please study that and implement it.
Hopefully you will see a change.