BPDFamily.com

I have an 19 yr old daughter that was diagnosed with BPD 8 months ago. It has been so helpful reading thru the posts to see others experiencing the same things I am. As a single mom there are very few people that understand this journey and how lonely it is. Our biggest problem right now is my daughter's lying to me and her therapist and her impulsive behaviours.

Hi and welcome, Houdini :hi:

I'm glad you found us too, though I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. I can relate to feeling lonely in my journey -  I felt the same until I landed here.

You will find great support here, as well as clinically responsible articles and workshops. A good place to start is the thread pinned to the top of this board, HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS SITE (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=331689.0). It's got many of our best articles with links to more.

What types of lies does your daughter tell? Lies to avoid consequences? Or is it something else?

You are in a safe place, feel free to let it all out - we are listening.

~ OH

Thank you for the welcome. The lies are daily and to the point I don't trust much of what she says. Some are really minor and I can call her on it right away and she will fess up but others I'm sure are to cover up wrongdoing.  She called after work a week ago really upset because she had lied to her employer about completing work that she had not finished and was afraid that they would learn the truth and didn't know what to do.  This week it was about meeting up with a guy from an on line chat room and going to his place but telling me she was going with a girlfriend for coffee.  I discovered that lie a few days ago when a coworker saw her with the guy and overheard their conversation and plans. When I asked her about the meet up she sticks to her coffee shop story and then told the therapist during a joint session last night that I make up stories, am being possessive and don't want her meeting men. I try not to get upset and see things thru her eyes but I can't help but feel hurt and alienated.

Hi Houdini,

*welcome*

I’d like to join Only Human and welcome you to the family. I’m sorrg as well for the cirncumstances that led you here. There is hope.

Is your D19 doing therapy for BPD?

I can understand the hurt and frustration with being lied to or when someone lies about you to others. A pwBPD have low self worth, low self esteem, self loath and feel a lot of shame. A pwBPD will dissociate and alter reality to match their out of place feelings.

As I get older I listen less than I used to what someone says and I watch and look at what someone does.

BEHAVIORS: Dissociation and Dysphoria (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68392.0)

Welcome Houdini:

I'm new here, too. My son is a high functioning BPD18. I agree w/ you that other people don't understand & it can be lonely on this island.

Our son has been seeing a therapist for a while now. However, he didn't know about "Jekyll & Hyde". He will now see him weekly. We are also looking into an outpatient DBT program.

 

I join the others in welcoming you, Houdini
 You have come to the right place for help. I look forward to hearing more from you.

My daughter's therapist does use DBT and it has been successful around her self-harm, mainly cutting, and I have noticed a reduction in her threats of suicide but I am struggling with letting him know how intrenched the lies are. I am not convinced yet that he has bought into the diagnosis and we are seeking out psychiatrists that can monitor her medications and hopefully offer more insights. How have others, or are you even able, to discuss your adult child's behaviours with a therapist without crossing any boundaries?

Welcome. I am a newby here also and a single mom struggling with a daughter 16 same issues. It is a very lonely road and I have felt great relief here. The lies and distortion is perhaps the most difficult issue, as it confuses everyone involved. Daughter was discharged from her first inpatient stay a few weeks ago with a contract she wrote to be allowed to return to school part time, Cosmetology, which is my only leverage it seems. The first rule is lying, none. A new therapist has bought into her lies and distortion, creating dysfunctional triangulation. This morning, I issued a contract violation and refused to take her to school, prepared for the fall out. She slammed doors, verbal attacks and threats as expected. I IGNORED HER. The alarm is on and the police will be here in less than 3 minutes to take her back to inpatient if she escalates. Search the boards, they are a treasure. Together we are stronger. It helps to get it out and get feedback from someone who knows the struggle. Glad you are here.