BPDFamily.com

Hi all, my grown daughter has BPD. She has a daughter who is 14 yrs old and another daughter just born 2 weeks ago. I have been estranged from her for 5 years. She won’t let me see the grandkids. It’s been 18 years of pain, prayers, stress, etc. I  have not had much support with this the last 4-5 years. I have done pretty well with moving on with my life after years of trying to rescue my daughter. I learned a lot about codependency and realized I needed to take care of my self. The story is long and winding. My daughter has also struggled with addictions. What I really crave is an in person support group. I’m afraid I will find a message board impersonal and tedious.. but I’ll try it out.  Because of the new baby being born I am feeling a revival of heart break. My other daughter and her family went to another state to visit with my BPD daughter and two children. I’m glad for that, yet there is such pain being the one shunned and blamed. It has caused a huge split in our family. I am close with my second daughter and family luckily yet they live the next state over.   I have many mixed feelings. I’m proud of my personal growth yet have regrets and confusion and deep loneliness. I don’t have much hope of my daughter wanting to reunite some day, she holds on to grudges forever!  I have deep compassion for her, I know her life is difficult.
To be honest I really want to connect with people in person. Thank you for listening.

Hello Dancesjoy. That is a beautiful name. I am glad to meet you and sorry for what brings you here. It is really good that you are reaching out for support. I understand you want an in person support group and I hope you find one. Many of us, myself included, find this online and anonymous forum is super helpful in its own way instead of or in addition to other "in person" help we are getting. I hope it helps you too. Everyone here is very kind and compassionate and nonjudgmental. It is a safe space to share anything you want to share. You will find help and support here. I can imagine knowing you have a new grandbaby but being too estranged from your daughter to visit must be incredibly painful. Please know you are not alone. We will walk with you on this journey. Have you had a chance to look at any of the articles or videos on this site? That might be a great place to start.

Welcome Dancesjoy,

So sorry that you're estranged from your BPD daughter. I'm new to this group, too...BPD 18 son. He's our only child & I fear that he won't have any kids, so I won't get to be a grandmother.

ST1

Hi Dancesjoy,

Welcome.  My thought when reading your post was how hard it is when we have regrets in an area of our life.  Especially, when you would like to resume a relationship but your daughter isn't open to that.   It sounds as though you are doing a good job with self-care, but that a time like this is going to reopen old wounds.  In person support would be helpful.  Blessings with dealing with your hurt and disappointment.     

Is one of your strongest feelings being unfairly blamed, or hurt at being excluded?  My wife and I had participated in Marriage Encounter where the focus was listing your feelings in an area, writing on your strongest feeling and then sharing that with another who asked questions until they understood.  We haven't done this in a while, but we found it to be a helpful exercise in self-understanding and being understood by someone else.   

Hi @Dancesjoy, I'm new here too. Looking forward to the written word forum, but any method will have pluses and minuses.

In my community NAMI has monthly meetings for people affected by family/loved-ones with mental illness. My wife and I have found them useful. Actually, in the moment sometimes I wonder if it's a good use of my time, but then in retrospect I realize how much I have learned and internalized and benefited from the meetings.

I bet if you called any local mental health office, the county, or the nurses at the behavioral unit of your local hospital they would point you to an in-person group to participate in.

In addition to this forum, not instead of