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Title: Where do I start? Post by: holdthedramaxo on April 07, 2019, 09:09:02 PM I am already so thankful for finding this wonderful resource. I feel there are very few people who understand this disorder and very little outlets for non BPs. I have been a long committed relationship (at least on my end) with a man who struggles with BPD. It has been a roller coaster to say the least. However, he is on top of it and enrolled in DBT. It seems to help but then he tries to use the new skills to insert his "emotional intelligence" further which drives the victim mentality. I have dealt with minor physical abuse, tons of emotional and verbal abuse, etc. The need for attention and validation on his part is insane. He projects like crazy. Rearranges facts. Push/pull, splits, etc. One day he loves me and wants to marry me, the next day he hates and devalues marriage. I'm just trying to find a way to not take things personally anymore and let him know I love him but I will not be a door mat or punching bag for your pain anymore. Any tips?
Title: Re: Where do I start? Post by: loyalwife on April 07, 2019, 10:51:58 PM :hi:
So glad you are here. You can learn a lot with the resources provided her, to keep you grounded. It's so great that your pwBPD is going to DBT. I recently asked my husband to check it out, and he is 'reading a book'. I personally took the program about ten years ago, and it changed my life. It sounds like you have an idea of what it is about. Have you thought of ways to help him navigate through some of the emotional intelligence? It take times, practice and commitment to change. Have you noticed any? Setting boundaries will help you. Let him know that you will not tolerate any of the abuse anymore. Each time that things get out of kilter, then reinforce that this is where the boundary is and walk away. It is your right. Discover what makes you happy. Abuse is adverse to our soul and self esteem. Again, there are videos etc. to help you here. BPD doesn't go away. It's a personality disorder and short of a lobotomy (just joking), they don't change. What changes is our reaction. They learn to self regulate when we don't rescue them. The push/pull behavior is typical behavior, and it hurts. It's so hard to love someone that displays this and changes frequently. What you can change, is you. Keep coming back her, read stories, and learn. You will become stronger than you ever thought you could, and accept BPD for what it is. |