BPDFamily.com

Welcome to Holland

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?” you say. “What do you mean, Holland?” I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland. 

Written by Emily Perl Kingsley

My T shared this with my husband and I the other night.  It really hit home for me, so I wanted to share this with all of you.   I am having a very hard time seeing the beauty of Holland, and not only that, but so very few people know we are there - therapists, doctors. Right now Holland is very lonely.  Family and Friends think we are in Italy...and don't understand why we are not enjoying the trip.

You are not alone in Holland.

Faith...thanks I know all of you are here too...As much as I so appreciate the virtual support (and I really, really do! This forum is a life saver) -
somedays a real hug, and a real conversation, a real shoulder to cry on are needed. 

You are right. Having real shoulders to cry on is important. I pray you find that "real life" contact in addition to what you find here.

Let’s all go to Italy.    Lol.  Hang in there. Hugs

Hi StressedOutDaily,

Thanks for posting about "Holland". I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Some days I just keep crying, because I'm NOT supposed to be in Holland. I'm supposed to be in Italy, because I had it all PLANNED OUT. Someone messed w/ my plan.

I totally agree that people that aren't in Holland don't understand why we might be having troubles & sad days. Personally, I haven't told very many people that I'm not in Italy like I planned. It takes too much effort to explain "Holland".

Sending   to all my new Holland friends that I have met over the last few weeks. I am so very thankful for this community of friends.

Stampingt1

Hi: I know how disappointed I was/am that I am in Holland & not Italy, but with all your help and support, I am going to learn to enjoy & appreciate Holland, the tulips and everything else! People who have managed to plan for Italy and get there do not understand our circumstances but we are not going to let anything disrupt our relationship with our loved ones! Thanks & take care.

That's the spirit, Manifest!