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Title: adult consequences of uBPD mother? Post by: amk005 on April 11, 2019, 01:45:32 PM Hopefully I am posting this in the right place...
I've recently joined this online family as a result of working through a break-up with a BPD partner. As I've been reading all of the great content on this site and in books, it seems that I, as a nonBPD, might fall subject to a BPD partner as a result of my own characteristics. I really haven't thought a lot about my mother and BPD. I've been estranged from her for a long time. To make a very long story short, whether it's BPD or whether she is a sociopath or other... she has mental health issues. My childhood was rough growing up with 7 kids and her as a single mother most of the time. Ultimately, she abandoned us when i was 14 and social services had to step in and I was placed in my father's custody... which he and my step-mom were great and that was the best thing that ever happened to me. My question, as I am working through my own wounds from my failed relationship with a pwBPD - is it common that nonBPDs who end up in relationships with BPDs grew up with BPD parent(s)? Is this something that I might want to explore? Or might there be other traits/commonalities that might make me vulnerable to a BPD relationship? I ask because I really want to understand whether there might be this personal dynamic that I can address and help with the healing process... Title: Re: adult consequences of uBPD mother? Post by: Turkish on April 11, 2019, 02:29:31 PM In short: yes, probably.
If you grew up around dysfunction, you might be sadly comfortable with it as normal on an emotional level. Have you seen the articles in the Parent, Sibling section accessible in the Tips pull down at the top of the site? Title: Re: adult consequences of uBPD mother? Post by: Harri on April 11, 2019, 05:40:30 PM Hi and welcome to the parent, sibling and in-law (PSI) board. All of us on this board are dealing with or have dealt with a family member with mental illness or very difficult behaviors so you are not alone.
Excerpt is it common that nonBPDs who end up in relationships with BPDs grew up with BPD parent(s)? Is this something that I might want to explore? Or might there be other traits/commonalities that might make me vulnerable to a BPD relationship? I ask because I really want to understand whether there might be this personal dynamic that I can address and help with the healing process... I think it happens more often than people realize. I also think it is worth looking into. We do tend to be drawn to what is comfortable, even if what is comfortable is unhealthy and abusive. Maybe a better word is familiar. A lot of times we find that we are trying to resolve issues from the past with people in our present, recreating a dynamic that mirrors aspects of the past. The good news is that you can learn to process the past and change how you interact in your current and future relationships. It is rare to come out of an abusive and difficult childhood without our own behaviors that need to be addressed. What sort of things do you think you want to work on? |