BPDFamily.com

If a vacation is planned before filing for divorce will it still stand? Or will it be changed based on the custody agreement? I am having an issue tickets were bought for a trip and not all the dates or timeframe cleared with me and the children will be away from me on the ONLY time I will have off this summer. (I will be starting a new job I hope!) What can I do? File? I am just about ready. But what happens. Of course he went and just bought tickets when I indicated that if he gets this holiday, July 4th, then I get it next  year.  But all of this is null and void when you file. Do they take into account past holidays that were assigned to each parent? We've been sharing holidays (sort of) and I've been documenting them since January. This is when my BPD/NPD husband moved out and we were unofficially separated.

There isn't really a "they" in divorces, meaning someone who decides things for you, unless you are going before a judge. So if you and your soon-to-be ex cannot agree on things, you'll probably limp forward through some kind of mediation and then to court, in steps.

If you or he just filed, there are probably laws in your state about what happens next, whether it's a legal separation (can be a year in some states) or court-ordered mediation.

If he gets them during the only time off for you, then you will likely ask for more time in the future, say, during winter holidays. Which, if he is BPD, will not likely come easily.

Many counties have published Vacation or "time away" schedules.  You can probably find yours online.  Or call the domestic court and ask where to obtain them.  Then you can synchronize your plans and expectations to the likely schedule the court will include in your temp order.  (The schedule usually includes a long list of holiday events.  Be sure the court deletes any holidays that you and your spouse never observed in the past or that don't apply.)

The typical schedule alternates the holidays between parents during the year and then the next year the parents switch and get the ones they didn't get before.  Of course Mother's Day and Father's Day never change.  Most schedules only include only the children's birthdays and ignore the parents' birthdays.

Accept that from some events - big holidays and birthdays - the kids can get TWO parties, one with each parent.  So as bad as divorce feels, the kids may get some events doubled and that's okay.  Beware of trying to do joint-parent events, there is high risk tempers can flare or you may be sabotaged.