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My two sisters and I decided to send my BPD mother and my grandmother (who enables her)flowers for mother's day. It was a damned if you do damned if you don't kind of decision. We decided the consequences of doing nothing would be worse. The card was signed in a very straight forward simple way. "Happy Mother's Day, Love H, H, and A.  All of us are expecting either complete silence or a lash out. We have not really spoken to them for about two weeks.  

Anyone else out there struggling with what to do for mother's day?

Hi, CathFoley. I don’t really have advice to supplement your question, but I think that you and your sisters did a nice thing. You expressed love. The world needs more of that.

If your mom reacts in a negative way, who will it be towards?

Hi CathFoley.

I am struggling with mothers day too. You and your sisters are not alone 
My mother is giving me the silent treatment since her last rage in December. I could not handle the manipulations and rage attacks anymore, so I decided to stay NC while I work on myself. It was a hard decision to make and it is hard to keep, but I needed to protect myself. This mothers day I will not call her but I decided to send flowers. I want to recognize that she exists, I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel abandoned. I expect that my mother will not accept the flowers and will tell the delivery guy she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. She would be enraged if I don't send something either. I too am damned if I do and damned if I don't. It is what it is.

Sending the flowers will have no emotional cost to me, and if I send nothing I will feel bad because I know that will hurt her. That is not what I want, who I genuinely am and want to be.

I agree with JNChell, with the flowers you and your sisters expressed love.
If she wants to be in silence or lashes out, that is on her.
That's something I am learning too.

Hugs