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Title: Tired of being a doormat Post by: Senata48 on May 18, 2019, 10:55:33 AM Is it typical for adult children to make bad choices of friends? My daughter seems to have abnormal attachments to friends. My daughter will makes plans with me ,then cancels to hang out with her friend. Since I don't approve of the friend I am not welcome. I'm not sure who instigates this, but it is taking over holidays and other family occasions. This is a deadbeat family living off of government assistant and the kids are bratty. It hurts me so much to see my granddaughter spending so much time with them. This so called friend has kicked my daughter to the curb more than once, but my daughter keeps coming back. I am widowed and have only my daughter and son. My daughter has alienated her brother so I have little contact with him. Out of necessity I am providing them with a free place to live and don't want to kick them out because of my granddaughter.
Title: Re: Tired of being a doormat Post by: Only Human on May 18, 2019, 05:13:30 PM Welcome back, Senata! :hi:
In answer to your question, "Is it normal for adult children to make bad choices of friends?" I think it's important to remember that difficulty in interpersonal relationships is one of the many symptoms of BPD. A pwBPD is limited in her/his ability to maintain relationships with mentally and emotionally healthy, stable, people. So, while it seems your DD is making bad choices for friends, it may be that, because of her difficulty in interpersonal relationships, her choices are limited. One of the toughest things about loving a pwBPD is standing aside and letting them live their own lives. I'm sure it's difficult when plans with your DD are canceled in favor of hanging out with others. What we are all learning here is to have the best lives we can have and working hard not to make our relationship with our adult children the center of our universe. You say you have only your children. It can be very lonely when our adult children are the only relationships we have and I hope you have others in your life to spend time with. I hope you'll stick around and learn with us - things CAN get better for you and, in turn, for your relationship with your DD. Have you had a chance to try some of the communication tools we are learning here? A good place to begin is by reading the post pinned to the top of this board, HOW TO GET THE MOST OF OUT THIS BOARD (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=331689.0) Have a look and come back here with any questions, to talk about what's going on in your life. We are here to support you and we want to help. We get it. I'm glad you found your way back here! ~ OH Title: Re: Tired of being a doormat Post by: FaithHopeLove on May 19, 2019, 04:13:19 AM Hello Senata
It is good to meet you although I am sorry for the circumstances. Only Human gives great advice that I can't improve on so I will just emphasize that backing away and letting your daughter live her own life will help you live yours. Hugs. Faith |