BPDFamily.com

This is a continuation of https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=336030.0

Okay guys. I need some serious input. Please.

Since the last post I have been working diligently with my therapist three times a week to try and set boundaries with my BP wife. My therapist suggested I start putting tangible limits in place because I keep thinking things will gte better around the next corner and it never does.

So, I gave my BP wife a list of things that I needed two and a half weeks ago with a firm date of last Friday. Those things were all very reasonable but important to me. Like:

-How long are we on "break", what does that look like logistically, what are you going to be changing within yourself during the "break" (My wife has pulled away so much that whenever there is conflict she states "I'm enforcing a break, click hangs up the phone)

- Financial contingency plan for if/when things run out, who moves where, etc... (I run a seasonal business and things are looking pretty bad)

-Holiday plan. List of the holidays and how we are spending them. I am tired of being alone every holiday.

Friday morning I reminded her via phone (like I have the last two weeks) that if no effort is made to work through a list of important items I need then I will be exiting this relationship. I explained my well-being was not cared for and my needs were not being met. She said "Okayyy (my Name)." and then hung up.

She has been silent the last two days.

She called this morning trying to face time me. then texted me and told me our dog wanted to say hello. I texted her back and stated "I'm all set. and that I was firm on leaving if no effort towards my needs were being made."

She sent a text back with a list of things "She needs" which include saving money for herself in case the money does run out so she wont be left destitute. Like WTH. We are married. I dont have private savings accounts.

I'm so over this. None of my needs are being met. She continually stonewalls and doesn't take anything I say seriously. She acts like she can jump in and be married when she wants. Or jump out and not be married when she wants.

I think I just need to serve her papers in hopes that she "wakes up" and realizes I'm serious. Any advice would be amazing. Thank you all.

It's so frustrating, isn't it, to feel devalued and ignored.

Your list certainly sounds reasonable to me. Did you included the parenthetical comments in what you gave her? Did you word the "what are you going to change about yourself" part the way you did below? Because if it was focused on what you need and what she needs to work on, that could have come across in a negative way to your wife. I've found that when I present a case of what I need, if I include a mea culpa, honestly confessing to my own shortcomings, it goes a LONG way in keeping the waters smooth.

As for filing for divorce, I can understand the urge. Believe me. But that's a big step and can be like dropping a nuclear bomb. And it's not something that should be used as a weapon or a wake-up call. I'd only use that if you're sure you're willing to follow through. Like warning a kid who's misbehaving: don't threaten a punishment if you're not willing to give it. Of course, you can change your mind if things start to work out but if I were you, I'd be certain that it's something I'm OK with following to the end of the track. Is that definitely what you want?