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Title: Not Reacting To a Split Post by: Granite Chief on May 21, 2019, 10:09:43 AM I seem to fail most in my relationship when I let my fear react. I will start to defend my self to someone that does not think logically. For instance the damned if you do and damned if you do not scenarios.
A new think I have been working on is when I catch myself I immediately stop. Then I go on about my day like nothing strange has happened. She generally comes back after a while of acting 12 and starts to talk with me. I feel like I am talking to a kid when this happens. Title: Re: Not Reacting To a Split Post by: Red5 on May 21, 2019, 11:56:09 AM I seem to fail most in my relationship when I let my fear react. I will start to defend my self to someone that does not think logically. For instance the damned if you do and damned if you do not scenarios. A new think I have been working on is when I catch myself I immediately stop. Then I go on about my day like nothing strange has happened. She generally comes back after a while of acting 12 and starts to talk with me. I feel like I am talking to a kid when this happens. … a tool I use… "AHA" *Aware, understand its happening, a dysregulation, emotions high, about to go high and right… *Halt, means just what it says, stop, halt, don't engage… so you can process, and not set her off, *Adjust, now that you have stopped the possible irreversible dysregulation, as in your inevitable contribution to a full on fight… now think of the tools you can use to deescalate… to validate, SET (support, empathy, truth), etc'. Acronym "A-H-A"! Hope this may help a little, Red5 Title: Re: Not Reacting To a Split Post by: Granite Chief on May 21, 2019, 12:54:40 PM Thank you! it sounds like I am on the right path. Just need to learn some more tools and practice.
I like those set of rules a lot. Title: Re: Not Reacting To a Split Post by: Chosen on May 22, 2019, 01:14:40 AM I seem to fail most in my relationship when I let my fear react. I will start to defend my self to someone that does not think logically. For instance the damned if you do and damned if you do not scenarios. A new think I have been working on is when I catch myself I immediately stop. Then I go on about my day like nothing strange has happened. She generally comes back after a while of acting 12 and starts to talk with me. I feel like I am talking to a kid when this happens. Exactly, it's hard because we all have a fight-or-flight defense mechanism. In normal situations, we *should* react when we fear something. But not with a pwBPD! Usually, if I'm mindful enough and manage to stop, things don't get so bad. He may be in a bad mood and nitpicking or generally being mean, but if I don't react to them then there's no ammo for him. BUT! It's hard to be so mindful day after day, and of course it depends a lot on my own stress level/ amount of rest I've had/ etc. But your post reminds me that I really should consider my uBPDh like a kid- maybe it'll help me react less if I remember that. |