BPDFamily.com

Yesterday he had texted and sent random pics of himself. Said he loved me and missed me. Talked about how he was doing, how work was. Then late last night he called me. Telling me he won a coin toss and got to go home from work. Asked what I was doing. Was talking about how it was crazy in 2 years he'd be working and what the starting salary for his profession would be (lots of money) talking about what his house would look like (all things we've talked about before..this was supposed to be our life) he said well I miss you. Said how his daughter saved him. Hes alive because of her. I said save you from what? He said my inner demons. I'd do anything for her. I said well then dont you think you should work on getting rid of the demons? He sighed and said yes shamefully. (This is always his response. Sigh. Yes. Yea. As if a little boy hanging his head looking at the ground) he told me about some nurse that tried to talk to him she looked like my best friend apparently. But he said na I'm good. He jumped around a lot.

Tell me tho if you start seeing anyone he said. That's important. If anyone hurts my daughter. I'll kill them. I said my head isn't even in that space of thinking about someone else. My head is still in the space with you. Well we are broke up. I can do what I want. He said. Ok... If you are able to move on that quickly then you never really cared or loved me I said. He said I'm not saying that's what I'll do. I'm just saying. You're right if I was able to that that means it wasn't real. I said was it? He said yea it was real for me. I love you. I always have.

It goes to well this nurse is actually hotter than your best friend. I said why would you say something like that? He goes maybe I like her. Tears start to well up in my eyes. He can hear my breathing change. He goes are you ok? I say no. He goes I didn't mean that. Its not true. I said yes it is then you wouldn't of said it. He goes no it's not. I shouldn't of said that. I was being an asshole. I said why? He goes because that's what i am. An asshole. I said if you can just move on like that and already like someone else. He said no I'm in pain and so I want you to be in pain. I said I am in pain.

You know how things were they weren't good. I wish you wanted to make them better. The little boy yea sigh again. Ok I'm going to go. Take care he said. Why? Please keep talking to me. Don't run I said. He said laughing I'm not running right now. I said no not physically you know what I mean. I miss you he said again. I said I miss you too. Why havent you done anything to improve this situation? The ball is in your court. You have the opportunity. Little boy yea and sigh... Ok well I really have to go. I have to go to sleep. Please don't go I said. Talk to me. I've been talking to you he says. I say what are you going to do when the lease ends? Idk. You need to come get all your stuff and give me your key. Maybe I'll stay here. I said is that what you want? He said you left. And thats how it is. Dont give much thought to it. Have to keep moving. That's it. That's life. I said no thats not how it is. You have choices. Ok man I gotta go. I'll talk to you later alright he says. (Always running) I said its ok. Its ok to talk about this. It needs to be talked about. He said not right now. I'm trying to be in a good mood. Can't you just talk to me about other stuff (this is always what he has said to me. Always avoiding) we sit in silence for a bit listening to each other breathe and he falls asleep. Passes out...he was drinking

Theperfectsky:
Because of South Carolina's policy regarding mother's rights, in regard to out-of-wedlock fathers, you have a lot of power in regard to your daughter.  It's understandable that you want him to have a relationship with his daughter and to have visitation.  At any point, however, you have the power to restrict visitation, without any intervention by a court.  (the ball is in your court, so to speak).

Just something to keep in mind.  You want to keep your daughter safe.  Definitely, don't want him to drink alcohol, and be impaired during a visitation with his daughter.  At some point, it may be necessary to demand that he get mental health services and detox off the alcohol abuse.

Managing his mental health should be essential for your ex's career as well.  There are things he can do, without getting an official BPD diagnosis.  He can go to AA meetings, he could get a prescription for some antidepressants.  He can take his own steps to learn skills to manage his own emotional dysregulation.  He doesn't have to necessarily have to worry about the stigma of getting a BPD diagnosis.  He should worry, however, about being an impaired physician and an impaired father.

I thought I'd post the excerpt below from the referenced SC website below for other readers to view.  It's likely hard for many people reading this post to believe that a state could have such a policy in this day and age, regarding father's rights.


After reading this confirmation of what you previously stated, looks like you will have no obligation to provide visitations for either of the 2 fathers.  Sounds like you realize that as long as fathers aren't abusive with their child, that it is usually important for each child to have a healthy relationship with their respective father.  So, sounds like the ball in totally in your court in regard to visitations by both fathers, since both your son and daughter were born in SC (correct?)

Both of my children were born in GA

My mistake, but GA has the same policy as SC, from what I read, right?

Did you mean to comment on the other thread? Im just not sure where all the visitation stuff came from haha this was a new thread I started about a phone call last night. I'd like your input on this thread too  

But thanks for all your help. It seems SC is a little stricter. GA fathers have no rights either but once paternity is established they do. My son's father and I have a court order already

It gets confusing, as your threads reach maximum capacity and are closed quickly (No further comments possible).

It's many times hard to determine which threads you initiate personally, or are initiated on behalf of an admin person who closes one of your threads.

Hang in there.  Hope you have a good week.

Its been a rough day. I was supposed to go to my dads. drive 2+ hours and he went out instead. Both days of this weekend when he was supposed to be home cleaning out rooms for me and my children. So needless to say I'm back to where I was before. That fill in job I wont be able to take and my pwBPD said he needs a week and then will talk to me about everything so I said its best we have zero contact. He said still wanting pics of his daughter. I said it will only be a week. No pics either. ZERO contact. So wish me luck. Its going to be VERY hard.