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Dear all. This is my first post on the subject. I've listened to the audio version of Stop Walking On Eggshells (several times). Thank you, thank you, thank you -- for helping us. I am getting to the phase where I need to make a decision about the romantic relationship with my BP partner. She would be a so-called high functioning "invisible" BP and I feel very very isolated. I started therapy a couple of months ago and I lost my job a couple of weeks ago. I'm in the gutter and I need to rebound. I cannot blame the job situation on my partner but I feel that the professional rebound is going to be difficult now that I am at a crossroads, unless I choose to leave the relationship. I could persist and continue implementing the techniques and strategies suggested in the book, but it's taking a lot of energy from me at a moment in my life where I would need support and positive energy more than ever.
Her denial is so absolute and her coping strategies are so deeply rooted that I don't think she will ever realise that a lot of things could be much better. I start believing that there is no point and I am facing too big a risk of losing myself too much and not finding the necessary resources inside me to rebound professionally, psychologically and emotionally.  I suppose that leaving a relationship with a high functioning BP is not that uncommon since it is very much a one sided effort after all. My understanding from the book is that ultimatums don't work anyway. What is you experience there? Your word of advice?

*welcome*

I'm glad you have read SWOE and found it helpful.  Also very glad you have found bpdfamily.  You have found a group of people that "get it"...since many of us have been in the same situation you find yourself in.

I remember thinking that delivering an ultimatum was the answer, I've even tried it a time or two.

Can you try to write out a couple sentences of what you would say when delivering your ultimatum?

Best,

FF

Hi ToInfinity,

I feel you, I do!  It is so tiring to be in a relationship with a pwBPD, and I would say especially with one who is in complete denial (and that means YOU are the one with the problem).  No wonder BPD has been called "crazy-making".  A lot of times the pwBPD is living in fantasyland, thinking they're completely normal (or perhaps infallible too), while their partners are questioning themselves and seem crazy.  I'm married to an uBPDh, so I know.

In my opinion, maybe ultimatums would work if the person realise they have a problem.  At least they can't be in the denial stage.  But if they're in denial, then why should they answer to your ultimatum when you're the one with the problem?  It would just further prove the fact that you have a problem!