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Title: Thank you I took the next step. Post by: lpheal on June 04, 2019, 04:30:57 PM I’ve posted on this site intermittently for years now. I’ve learned so much about myself and what I was dealing with from everyone else here.
Without going into all of the details, I’ll just say I finally notified the police two nights ago about my wife’s behavior after a particularly bad episode. They did a superb job of removing her from the house without our child even knowing it happened. I went to bed last night and woke up today in peace. I filed for a TRO yesterday and she was served this morning. There is still a lot of mess to clear up, but it feels like a boil has been lanced (sorry, a little crude). It’s still ugly and tender, but the pressure is gone and the healing can now begin. I’ve acquired so many tools here that have made these first days surprisingly tolerable. My fortune cookie at lunch today actually said: “You are guided by love and friendship.” I now need to post on one of the other boards, but to me it feels like the first biggest step has been taken. Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories, experience and expertise! Title: Re: Thank you I took the next step. Post by: Turkish on June 05, 2019, 12:33:41 AM What's your plan going foward?
Title: Re: Thank you I took the next step. Post by: Harri on June 06, 2019, 01:08:12 AM Hi.
How are you doing today? How is your little one? Please keep us updated. Title: Re: Thank you I took the next step. Post by: lpheal on June 06, 2019, 06:19:34 AM My plan going forward is to make the restraining order permanent for me. I’ll file for divorce soon enough, but not right away.. I’m staying a few steps ahead right now, so I’m trying to anticipate what will happen as a result of each action before taking it.
Myself and D5 are doing well. She is a little clingy, but no other outward signs. She hasn’t asked too many questions and seems happy, so I’m not dwelling on it around her. It’s nice to end and begin each day in peace. After only 36 hours, I realized I already felt less anxious thinking about my wife’s reactions. I had already detached from the idea that I had to solve her problems, but I still had to deal with her reactions to problems in her presence and at least for now I don’t. I can also look at myself and see that for several years I was afraid of the act of calling the police, having my wife arrested, getting her served, having to divulge to people what’s been going on. However, the discomfort from all of these things has been far less than the daily discomfort I was living in. I’ve received reassurance and support from the people I’ve had to tell.. So based on my early experience these first few days, taking those first big steps is not as bad as I expected it to be. I have an appointment with a marriage counselor today. It seems like I should do this at least once per week for a few months, maybe twice weekly. It will keep me from using the attorney or paralegal for informal counseling. I’ll touch base with the attorney today or tomorrow. Most importantly, I need to maintain my resolve to not go back to this relationship. I’ll be reviewing my journal just often enough to remind myself how bad it has been. Then I’ll ask myself, “why would you want to spend any more of your life energy dealing with this?” Title: Re: Thank you I took the next step. Post by: mart555 on June 06, 2019, 08:49:15 AM I can also look at myself and see that for several years I was afraid of the act of calling the police, having my wife arrested, getting her served, having to divulge to people what’s been going on. However, the discomfort from all of these things has been far less than the daily discomfort I was living in. I’ve received reassurance and support from the people I’ve had to tell.. So based on my early experience these first few days, taking those first big steps is not as bad as I expected it to be. Most importantly, I need to maintain my resolve to not go back to this relationship. I’ll be reviewing my journal just often enough to remind myself how bad it has been. Then I’ll ask myself, “why would you want to spend any more of your life energy dealing with this?” I first feared telling neighbours about what happened but I've had lots of reassurance and support. Definitely not as bad as expected, and nothing to be ashamed of. I felt "lighter" after telling people. When she was hospitalized, I felt like Ferris Bueller when I woke up. It was great. I felt relieved. Then there were lots of ups and downs. It feels like a marathon. Her personal belongings have been moved out of the house on Sunday. But unfortunately, the separation agreement is nowhere in sight.. In addition to your journal, read this book https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama/dp/1442238321 Title: Re: Thank you I took the next step. Post by: mart555 on June 06, 2019, 08:50:43 AM <duplicate. disregard>
Title: Re: Thank you I took the next step. Post by: lpheal on June 06, 2019, 12:22:41 PM Excerpt I first feared telling neighbours about what happened but I've had lots of reassurance and support. Definitely not as bad as expected, and nothing to be ashamed of. I felt "lighter" after telling people. I felt like Ferris Bueller when I woke up. It was great. I felt relieved. Then there were lots of ups and downs. It feels like a marathon. I’ve become conditioned in my marriage to having any perceived vulnerability exploited. Even if it wasn’t something so bad, if my wife knew I wasn’t happy about it she was sure to use it to attack me. To open yourself to others and get not only acceptance but additional encouragement is a revelation, which has happened this week. And yes I know EXACTLY what you mean waking up feeling like Ferris Bueller that first morning. I know there will be ups and downs because I’ll have to interact with her to the extent we’ll have to try and coparent. Hopefully at least my home or apartment will be a peaceful place to start and end each day. I want to have no face to face contact or conversation with her for two years, then we will see. I want everything in writing in a format admissible in court. |