BPDFamily.com

Mod note:  this thread is a continuation of      https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=336911.0;all

Thank you, all of your, for your posts.  Notwendy, Enabler, once removed, Cat and Red.  I appreciate the long, thoughtful posts.

Red, your long post made a lot of sense to me.  Being with a BPD means having to accept the reality of their reality.  I try now to "set the example" by not responding to the dysregulations of my H.  In the past, I would be reduced to utterly devastating tears, or I would rage back.

I am slowly approaching the mindset of Frankee in my dealings with my uBPD H.  

I am so tired of accepting the abuse as part of his illness.  I am fed up with making excuses for my H's projected anger at me, name-calling, withholding affection, silent treatment and all the rest.  Earlier this week, H trashed the kitchen when I wasn't making dinner fast enough for his liking.  He name called, of course.   Food and beverages and broken glass all over the kitchen floor when H slammed the refrigerator door several times like a crazed lunatic.  Of course, I did not help him clean up (I made sure the pets were in a safe place) but he never apologised for his tantrum.  In a way, he blamed me for my laziness and inaction.  (I am depressed but seeing a T for this.)

https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/the-mind-trip-that-is-emotional-abuse#.WR7zD1dWjjI

While I may not be, at this point, taking the legal route out, I am mentally leaving the R/S.  I am training myself not to care about H anymore.  How much time he spends with his children (camping trips with S; going out with his Ds; spending an insane amount of money on gifts, etc.) with no longer be a concern of mine.  All of his children are in the NPD/BPD spectrum and they are always in some crisis for H to come to the rescue to fix.  (S is on drugs and mostly homeless; one D emotionally abuses her H; one D is a drug abuser, likely BPD.)