BPDFamily.com

Haven't had much luck finding a depression forum of similar quality to this site. The ones I've found are suspect. I'm wondering whether any of you can direct me somewhere.

The update-summary is that over the first four months of this year, my BPD wife fully broke me down. (I'd rather just leave it at that for now.) My suicidal thoughts are gone, but have been replaced by a near-complete mental shutdown, like an emotional flatline. Tired all the time, very hard to concentrate, forgetting normal words, no interest in doing anything. In addition, I accidentally stumbled upon "anhedonia" recently, which more broadly sums up my last 8-9 years.

I'm eating well. I know I'm supposed to exercise more, but can't seem to bring myself to do it. I have a doctor's appt for blood work, to make sure this is all mental and nothing physical. I'm looking for a job, but considering my current mental state, it's quite likely I wouldn't do well in an interview. OK, to be honest, I'd tank an interview. 

I know this is temporary, but I can't shake it. I'm just trying to get back to something closer to a mental normal. Breaking up/divorce is out of the question. Previous attempts at psychologists/psychiatrists/medications haven't worked. Recent calls to depression hotlines were worse than nothing. Want to try a depression forum to see whether a written back-and-forth would be enough to get the ball rolling.

Thanks.

Have you looked at:

www.beyondblue.org

or

sane.org

I think these are both Australian sites.

Thanks for replying.

BB could work for lurking. Australian-only for sign-ups though.

Storied Minds and Depression Fall out but I agree forums of this quality are rare and special.

Hi, sorry you feel that way, I was feeling really bad, still am sometimes. I don't know about forums, haven’t find it either, but what helped me was resources listed here: https://bpdfamily.com/content/line-cognitive-therapy-program  (https://bpdfamily.com/content/line-cognitive-therapy-program)

Book is worth every cent, and moodgym is great if you have self-discipline, but it is good program.

Sometimes I wish there could be place here, on this site, were we could work on ourselves, not just learn tools. To use those tools we need to be really strong
   
DW

It's beginning to look that way. I guess I was spoiled finding this one right off the bat.



Did CBT in 2015. Group sessions. Got me over that year's major hurdle. Oh, and the book... I bought that last year. But you're not going to like it when I mention that I haven't gotten through it yet.


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Since this is a forum about relationship BPD, I guess I should mention that side of things.

My wife has been on this site looking for posts that match us, which confirmed my former paranoia about that, and explains my latest forum disappearance. Since I stopped being paranoid about that... here are publicly available typed-out words.

She simply can't, or refuses to consider, attempting to stop lashing out at me. She lets anything that bothers her simmer until it comes out in an angry gush. Let's say the average/major ones are twice a year. They're normally major because I end up (eventually) yelling back at her, at then she shuts down and mentions that she can't talk to me because she's scared.

When I tell her that she scares me as well, because of how bad her surreal/out-of-the-blue hurtful comments affect me... well, she doesn't seem to care. I keep asking her to talk to me like she talks to her family. At first, the response was just a simple "nope" because she doesn't like censoring herself in her safe space.

Over the past nine months, she started throwing out these concepts-as-criticisms. "Tone policing" for the problem in the previous paragraph. Some of my compliments I was giving her are now tied to a "male gaze," and when I tried to tell her that I just love her and am excited by her, it's "gaslighting."

Basically, when she's at a low point, anything I do can be twisted in her brain to be a negative.

The first time I ever made her cookies was by her request one night. Her response to them was getting upset because I apparently spent too much time in the kitchen and missed some of our nightly TV time.

Years of this. She's pretty much given up on me, so I finally shut down maybe a month ago. I just let her do and say what she wants and keep my brain shut off. Like the old-timey comedy shows where the brow-beaten spouse just says "yes, dear" and shuffles off to canned laughter.

I essentially have a roommate now, but it's mostly easier than trying to sustain this relationship. The only downside is that I currently feel so incredibly confused and alone.

How many meds did you try and did you stick with each one for at least 2 months?  

How long did you stick with each psychologist?

Unfortunately many people give up too soon.  It takes several weeks for an antidepressant med to kick in and then there can be more time required to get an optimum dose.  Slowly titrating on can reduce possible side effects.

Maybe it's worth it to try another time.  Sounds like your depression could be situational.  If your partner's behavior is the root cause of your depression, then your main solution is to just work on yourself and things under your control, boundaries, how you react & interact and learning strategic communication skills.

Maybe, most of your answers are here, by learning the skills in the workshops and employing them and altering the way you react.

Here are a few depression website options to check out:
https://psychcentralforums.com/depression/
https://www.depressionforums.org/forums/
https://www.depressionsanctuary.org/

Thanks for the links. I'll check those out.