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I have a 29 yr old DD...I was watching teen mom og and Amber was in therapy talking about her borderline and bipolar..the Therapist said as to her as you know most all people with bordeline have had a tramatic event in their childho.od...I can not recall anything happening in my daughter's life when she was little.  She got into a controlling abussive relationship at age 15 and within 3 months she was showing signs I used to call angry at the world and now i know it was Borderline and ptsd and anxiety and bipolar.  When she was younger she had her moments but nothing like what transpired inside her right after this relationship started.  Do you all feel it was something tramatic that triggered the borderline?  :help:

Hi Worried Mom,
I would strongly suggest reading stuff on this BPD forum first as there is up to date information on BPD.   Always consider the source when you are gathering information.  Please do not unfairly judge yourself by reality TV. I used to do this too and there is just a lot of dark stuff out there on TV, internet with some partial truths, untruths, etc.  Also keep in mind in reality TV they are directed to keep the drama factor high to make for good TV.   I will post a bit more later as I have to run out .

My ex-girlfriend had zero trauma in her childhood. Trauma is only sometimes present. There appears to be a genetic factor with BPD from what I have read.  Your parenting may have been stellar, and the childhood safe, and it developed anyways. 

As a mother, you want to know why your daughter is so challenged with BPD. It can be very painful when you feel maybe you did something wrong and/or others seem to blame you for your child's problems. I have a mother and two siblings with BPD. Like my deceased brother, I do not have BPD though certainly he and I have struggled throughout life with emotional problems from our traumatic upbringing. The difference seems to be that my mother and siblings with BPD have inherited an inability to manage and take responsibility for their emotions, particularly frequently having bad temper tantrums with their often being no apparent triggering event. BPD was once thought to be a disorder caused by trauma, as the majority of women diagnosed with BPD had been sexually abused as children. Now it is known that men can have also have BPD, that BPD can be diagnosed in childhood, environment affects BPD though there are people with severe BPD with no history of trauma. Do give yourself a pat on the back for being a caring mother that wants to help her daughter and are willing to do what you can to help her get better.

I have observed BPD with trauma and without.

My mother has a few BPD traits but certainly would not be diagnosed as BPD. Her mother died in a second pregnancy when my mother was 4 years old. My grandfather remarried two years later to a young woman only 12 years older than my mother. The stepmother was uNPD/BPD.

My stepmother's father was said to be "the meanest man in the world." I don't know what transpired in that family, but I do believe she lived with trauma.

I came on the board because my husband's ex-wife is uNPD/BPD. She grew up in a tiny rice farming village with no medical facilities. Her mother had lost 9 pregnancies/children before Ex was born and survived. DH never heard anything about trauma, but soon into their relationship, Ex said , " No one has ever told me No. " I do know that her mother was not mentally healthy, and I do believe there is a strong genetic factor at play.

There are many circumstances, and each is unique, while sharing some commonalities.

I can't think of any traumas in my son's life that would account for him having BPD. I talked to my therapist about it and she said it may well be genetics. She also said we may never know for sure what caused it. What matters is how we go forward. You are clearly a loving parent. That's why you are here. Please don't beat yourself up with guilt.

 I have ruminated excessively over what I did to cause my son's BPD.  I look at all my mistakes, ( was I too lenient with him back in 3rd grade?   What about that  time I lost patience with him due to the millionth meltdown in elementary school?  I tried to be both Mom and Dad to him when his father abandoned us...did I do damage then?  On and On .   We use our imperfections to beat up on us for the way our kids turned out.  
Here is some reading from this website
https://bpdfamily.com/content/cause-borderline-personality-disorder
I hope this helps. I have to re read this periodically.  There is also old posts on this website about wondering if we caused our children's  BPD.  This and establishing boundaries are probably the biggest  challenges we as parents face.
The evidence is not conclusive on what exactly causes this. . On the other side of the coin as someone already mentioned there are many children who grow up in abuse and don't develop BPD .  Here is National Institutes of Mental Health weblink on BPD .
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml

Like others here, I have to say getting mental health advice from popular media is NOT a good idea.   
Your daughter was probably genetically predisposed, and that relationship was the trigger. Like you said, when she was younger, she had her moments. It was going to happen sooner or later.

Looking back, my daughter was always a bit different, even when she was really young. She had fits of anger even at 4 years old that were troubling. I didn't find out about these until years later, when they were related to me by my ex's mother.

My ex was adopted, we know nothing about her biological parents. She, her daughter from her first marriage, and my daughter all have attempted suicide. Definitely a genetic link.

But, it doesn't matter what caused it..it's there and we  all have to deal with it.

Take care.

I'm unaware of trauma as child, though gradually learning from my quiet DD what is considered trauma to her may not be for others. It's very subtle, she speaks of experiences at school, education a lot and her new therapist along with other therapies is suggesting trauma therapy. DD turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms, eating disorder cutting...

We have sensitive children.

WDx

It can be traumatic to go through life as a sensitive child.