BPDFamily.com

Hey all,

I gather from some of the posts here that a fair number of others still follow their ex-pwBPD on social media sites, and get upset by the things they say and do.

My question is: WHY in god's name would you do that? 

I'm not on facebook anymore to begin with (I loathe the company & its practices, as well as the whole "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality it fosters), so maybe it was easy for me.  But I think I definitely would've blocked my XW even if I was.  and if need be, would've un-friended any mutual acquaintances to help ensure there was no overlap between us, perhaps letting the third parties down gently with a note.

I have a twitter profile (mostly to follow news & current events, very little personal interaction & do not follow XW, nor is she on it), and a linked in profile.  I am connected to my XW on linkedin, but it's not like either of us ever post updates/personal matters on there.

So for me, cutting contact with my XW on social media was  easy enough.  Though we also didn't have any mutual friends prior to our relationship.  and we've lived in Big cities, where I would rarely run into "facebook friends" so... out of sight, out of mind, truly. 

I gather others may have more entanglements due to their local situation or mutual friends... but still... this is the crux of the matter: BPD relationships are so toxic that in my mind, the benefits of fully withdrawing and healing from them far outweigh the loss of some facebook friends and acquaintances, or knowing what my XW is up to on  a daily basis   (And we have young kids, so I would like to know if she's putting them in bad situations or doing dumb things around them.)   I happily give that up in order to keep her out of mind. 

I deactivated my old FB account in 2015, a year after she left. I had blocked her.  I got a new one under the names of my kids,  mostly to document our lives because I'm too lazy to keep a photo album. I still only have about 60 "friends."

She sent me a friend request over a year ago.  I didn't accept, but thought it might come in handy if her H ever took her out.  I accidentally deleted it last week.  Darn. Then I thought,  "why not?" And sent her a request which she accepted. 90% of what I post is pics of the kids.  And i interact with a Dave Ramsey group. I rarely interact for anything else. She posted a nice FD message. Makes her look good. Fine. I'm not checking hers, I don't care.

A few years ago, I also accepted a LinkedIn request. That was benign.

I don’t follow my ex either.  He blocked me years ago at the break up and got all of his family to unfriend me as well.  If I had his mom as a friend still, I would be following her to watch my SD grow up.  Maybe it is better this way though because the chapter of my life that has anything to do with him is over, including that relationship with SD.

I follow my ex-dBPDh on FB and we are linked on WhatsApp. I have chosen to not see his content on FB, though. And he rarely posts anyways. I also follow a non-ex of FB, and has done the same thing with his content.

Both break-ups were as pretty cordial, though. No animosity on either side. So it feels unnecessarily hostile to me to stop following them or blocking them. I realise my situation in this regard is different than many others here.

I don't still follow her, thankfully.  My wife and I are both blocked, anyway.  However, my wife has a second FB account that she uses to check in and see what my ex is publicly posting about every now and then.  The main idea is to a) see where she's at and if she's starting to make better choices (we share some children who she has painted black and doesn't talk to right now, the youngest being 12), b) to see the latest focus of her rage... is it us?  is it some new poor SOB that she's humiliating all over Facebook?, and c) to gather any evidence in case we might need it at some point in a custody/court situation.

So, it's not for emotional reasons that we check-in.  It's more for our own protection and perhaps a little humor.

most of the time, because someone is hurting, and checking is a way to remain connected. that is, ultimately, why i kept checking.


in my opinion, it wasnt about removing myself from toxicity. she was already with someone else. it wasnt about no contact, she wasnt contacting me. it wasnt about not checking her social media...although there came a point that i needed to stop for my own mental health, years later id check it occasionally like i might anyone else. it was about accepting that the relationship was over, and determining to move on.