BPDFamily.com

It's been a while since I have been here. About 9 or 10 months. Things were okay during that time. Not to much had gone wrong. I had a baby April 30th with so. There was points during my pregnancy I thought he was going to kick me out, and never meet the baby. Thankfully he never did. Hes so in love with his child. Yay!

Now though, we have increased difficulty. My child from a previous relationship is dumber than the new baby according to so. He treats my child like crap really. The baby is smart, but he has nothing on a 4 year old. So does not care. He just thinks my son is dumb.

He insults me anytime I try to do something with baby. Like pick him up, rock him, whatever I'm doing he finds a way to say I'm doing it wrong. He acts like I dont know how to raise a baby. I raised one already. I dont know how to make him understand that I know how to take care of a child. I even have an early education degree.

I am now retarded, dumb, and fat according to so. Any chance he gets he name calls. He also likes to excuse me of being grumpy when I am in a perfectly good mood. Of course, then I get upset as I was not previously grumpy, but his refusing to believe so does then in return piss me off. The names. They are getting to me. I expressed that, but to no luck. It seems it's gotten worse.

He is now also with holding sex from me, and all intimacy really, because I refused to sick his d*ck. It's not happening, and he knows i wont back down on it. So he is with holding everything. Intimacy is not a thing anymore, despite we have the time right now.

I just dont know how to make any of this better. He gave me a ring and asked me to marry him. I said yes due to the fear of the fight for my child it I dont stay, but I also cant allow him to continue the things he says to me.

Hes been having many more good days than bad. Almost no huge blow ups, but this calling me names has moved it's way to the everyday occurence list now. 

I just need suggestions. Anything to help really. I'm stuck, I'm becoming more broken than I ever wanted to be.

Hi WonderingGirl:
I'm so sorry about your situation with your partner.  I can understand how his behavior has a negative effect on you.  His behavior towards you is disturbing.

I don't want to undermine the horrible way your partner is treating you - it's very concerning and abusive.  I guess what I find more disturbing is how he  feels about your older child (by a previous partner), the way he refers to that child and the way he will likely continue to negatively influence that child is more disturbing. Considering how upset you are with the way your partner treats you, can you empathize with how your older child will fare?

What strikes me is that your partner has started behaviors to declare his child as "the golden child" and your child from your previous relationship as "painted black".  This type of attitude towards children is frequently described on the Family Board (parent or sibling with BPD)

You might seriously consider getting some counseling for yourself and hopefully get some guidance from a professional.  A child who is "painted black" by someone that they live with (i.e. stepfather), likely has a horrible life ahead of them.

I'm sure others will be along to give you some suggestions on how to deal with your partner.  I just felt that someone had to advocate for your older child.

Your SO is now operating in a model of verbal and emotional abuse. It is directed at you but will eventually affect your children (both of them whether his bio child or not).

You are the primary person who protects your children. How do you feel about what is happening now?
I
What is your local support situation -- family, friends, therapists, etc. Who do you trust to confide in?

Tell us what your current living and protection situation is...we can help and advise you.