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Thanks again to all of you who are following my saga and supporting me on this painful journey of watching my 25 year old BPD/addict son nearly suiciding by overdose. He is still in the psych unit in the hospital where he is still detoxing from the massive amount of Xanax in his system. They can't let him go "cold turkey" so they are giving him Xanax on a tapering off schedule along with Wellbutrin and a mood stabilizer. My husband and I, along with the psychiatrists and social worker agree that the best result would be for our son to accept a 28 day drug inpatient drug rehab along with a DBT group and therapy. So the plan for the next week while he is still hospitalized but lucid is to try to persuade him to accept this help. So how about we look at what I might say that might sink in? He is big into business (legal and illegal) and always wants the best clothes etc.so I am thinking of saying "You invest so much in your businesses and making money and there is nothing wrong with that. But I would love to see you make at least a one month investment of time in yourself. You are a valuable person. I love you and I think you deserve this gift" What do you think?

Is the social worker helping you make sense of S25's lucidity? And how he might respond as he weans off Xanax if you endorse the suggestion?

What does the social worker think you should do or say?

The social worker is being very helpful in all those ways. We are thankful for him.

Do you think he can hear it from you?

Hi Faith

I’m trying to write the right thing as of course everybody wants your son to agree to rehab and then be fully motivated to make the changes he needs. I really hope your son wants to take this step for himself.


I think my son would not get past “nothing wrong with that”. It’s too long and my son’s thinking would skip around and I think he’d end with feeling it as a judgment. Faith, I think you’d also be best by keeping you and your husband out of it. Your son already feels/knows what you want him to do - he resists. “At least a month” implies temporary drug free. Your son is currently caught up in a cycle: he needs/likes money, he sells drugs, he uses drugs. He’s reached a point that his drug use has taken over his life. There has to be a change - chicken and egg problem. I hope you take this as constructive criticism. I only hope to help or give a different perspective.

Your son has to make this decision by himself for himself. He may ask you for advice, then it’s ok to give it. This is the text book stuff and I totally understand that you want to encourage him to make that next step.

I’d use DEAR-MAN. This is about him taking responsibility for himself, he’s scared and he resists. I’ve paired this right down so you can see an example of how it works. I wouldn’t be so blunt.

Describe facts:  you have problems and you’re not well
Express: that must feel xxxx
Assert:  you can change your situation
Re-assert.  this is an opportunity for things to be better for you if you want that.

This is me Faith, not you. My situation is entirely different and only you know your son. My son feels my anxieties and one of the very real benefits of behaving with loving emotional attachment is their feeling of there being no expectation of them. The fact is: your son may choose to enter rehab or not. He will face the consequence regardless of what he chooses. There’s no guarantees. If he walks away from this opportunity it doesn’t mean that he won’t change his mind or seek rehab at another point.

I hope he feels the common sense of going to rehab and is able to overcome his very real fears. He’s very vulnerable right now and he needs the right help.

I can only imagine how frustrating and upsetting this is for you.

What do you think?

LP

Good question. I am not sure. I am playing it by ear.

Thank you for your candid response LP
 I am taking that all into consideration. You may be right.

And you may be right my friend