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Title: A New Question I need help with after reading ONE Way Ticket to Kansas Post by: Unsure35 on July 05, 2019, 06:35:13 AM This is my 3rd post (2nd in last week)
The Ozzie Tinman book really got me out of my caretaker - rescuer role and on the road to Kansas today. (I finished it about an hour ago - and then took a shower and just cried) I asked my wife to get out of our house a few weeks ago and she did and she went to her mother's house - in NH - which use to belong to her mother's parents. She says she has so many loving memories of her grandfather and grandmother. I can relate to the grandmother - but the grandfather was always a kind of stand off person. Both are dead now (quite a few years ago both pasted.) So here are my 2 question Ques 1 My wife sent me a note on Father's day - saying she was leaving me and living with her mother and would eventual get her own place. Of course the rescuer in me was devastated.. And I have been begging her to come back - so I can care for her (Crazy - Now I know why - so really don't want that any more. Do you think this was more of her black self trying to control me like she has been so good at doing for 37 years - or could this be her way of saying I know I have a problem and I need to stay away from you. Ques 2 If this childhood abuse destroyed her - why would she go back to her mother and sister and live with them in the grandparents household?. Obviously they didn't prevent the abuse in childhood, which probably happened in VT. I'm obsessed with finding out Who did this too her - maybe never will - probably another crazy idea i need to let go. In my case, I know it was my father who hit me and abused me and my mother didn't protect me - and could have been crazy herself. Any insight into these 2 issues would be greatly appreciated - as I am just starting my healing process - but still have a lot of grief to get thru. Title: Re: A New Question I need help with after reading ONE Way Ticket to Kansas Post by: Harri on July 05, 2019, 10:34:06 PM Hi Unsure.
Getting a note and on fathers day ... Ouch. that hurts. What was your hope when you asked her to leave? Excerpt Do you think this was more of her black self trying to control me like she has been so good at doing for 37 years - or could this be her way of saying I know I have a problem and I need to stay away from you. It is hard to say for sure what is motivating her. There are lots of options in between the 2 you offer here. You know her best.Excerpt If this childhood abuse destroyed her - why would she go back to her mother and sister and live with them in the grandparents household?. Obviously they didn't prevent the abuse in childhood, which probably happened in VT. Was she abused? I am not clear on that from reading your posts. Some people with BPD or BPD traits have a history of childhood abuse and others do not. About 60% of cases have a genetic link.I'm obsessed with finding out Who did this too her - maybe never will - probably If she does have unresolved childhood trauma it is not uncommon for there still to be emotional ties to the abusers and a pull towards people and places who were there. You mentioned your own abuse as a child and I am so sorry to hear your experienced that. How are you doing with processing all of that? What sort of support do you have, other than here that is? How can we help you? |