BPDFamily.com

I really need support today. I have reached my breaking point and I can't concentrate at work or stop physically shaking. I endured another round of intense criticism from my udbpd husband. I tried to remain calm and own and apologize for the things he legit has to criticize me over. But the rounds of criticisms are coming fast and furious and nothing dissipates his anger. I'm starting to believe his narrative about me. Plus, I miss him being friendly toward me. To make matters worse, I had to go to him for help with unforeseen expenses and I know this is going to end up biting me. He makes way more money than me and pays the majority of bills but we are not hurting at all because he is wealthy.  I have my own job and my own bank account, we dont share an account. I'm so afraid of the crap I know is coming my way over this. He will find a way to feel victimized. He has threatened suicide over these past few months, sincerely believes I and all children abuse him and constantly brings up how I was when I had an eating disorder. All of my peace is gone. Tonight I have the most important business dinner of my career and I'm at my desk shaking and unable to do any work. Any words of support to get me through the day and my dinner would help.

Hi Izzitme:
Can you leave your desk for a few minutes to take a walk, perhaps along with some deep breathing exercises?  I like the 4-7-8 breathing exercise (inhale to the count of 4, hold for 7 and exhale for 8, then repeat).  I generally find that a walk can help refresh my perspective.  

Depending on your work situation, you might have to improvise.  If you can't go outside a building, maybe you walk up and down a few flights of stairs and/or walk around a few floors of a bldg. (maybe around the parking lot).

Another option, is to go to the restroom. Take a few minutes to just sit in a stall and do some breathing exercises.  If you meditate, try practicing that for a few minutes.

If you can't leave your desk.  Put on a pair of headphones and go to this Youtube address for a thought stream meditation.  All you have to do is look at the scenes on the screen and listen to the audio.  If you can't use your computer, you can use your phone.  It can give your mind a little mini vacation.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0Lo5tUXkVI&t=170s

A handy app to have on your phone is "Insight Timer".  You can get everything you need with the free version for Apple or Android.  There are lots of options for different forms of meditation and relaxation exercises to help you chill out.

Hang in there!  You can get through that presentation!  Do your best to postpone your thoughts about your husband.  As they pop up in your head, try to write down a quick note about the thought and then get back to the work you need to do.

Thank you so much for the great grounding skills. I need to do a lot better when it comes to trying to calm myself down. I played the you tube meditation at my desk and I think I will once more.

Thank you for getting back to me so soon!