BPDFamily.com

This is my first time posting on this board, so I'll give everyone a summary of my situation.

My ex and I dated for a little over two years, and up until she cheated on me, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. We talked for a week or so after I found out then decided to break up because she was having some emotional problems between me and the guy she cheated on me with.

One thing lead to another and after four months, my phone doesn't go a week without getting at least one text from her. Typically the texts would just be asking me for favors, can you get me this, bring me that, etc. However, two days ago she texted me while she was "high, I feel as if I should mention that, saying that she's been thinking about "us" lately. We talked for a few moments and then she told me that texting me was a mistake and said goodbye. Today I receive another text from her, mind you this is basically me going no contact: I don't initiate anything. Her text was again, another petty favor request, asking me to get her vape juice.

I guess since many if not everyone on this forum has had some interaction with someone who may have BPD I figure this is probably the best place to talk about it. I still have feelings for her and still love her regardless of what happened between us. Personally I believe she made a mistake, and regrets it. Her reaching out to me repeatedly is again to test the water, and perhaps see if I harbor any form of anger towards her. Should I reach out to her? Should I keep playing the no contact game?

can you tell us exactly what was said in this part of the conversation?

yea of course, this was her first couple texts to me:

HER: hi idk why i keep doing this but im high and im gonna regret this later but i rly need to tell you something

ME: Hey, What's up

HER: dont let your head get too big, but ive been thinking of us a lot

ME: Im going to be honest, I have a little too

HER: ah PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm), yea i already regret this

ME: My bad, just thought I'd give ya the honest truth

HER: Yea but like thisss whole thing can't happen

ME: What whole thing?

HER: me and u, cuz if we say another word to each other about this itll turn into a whole thing, so lets delete these texts  and act like it never happened

Then we basically just didn't text again

often times, the instinct for us as guys is to talk. i suspect she wanted to do the talking in this situation, to unload a bit.

thats okay. it sounds like things have been weighing on her, so i think theres a decent chance that if you do not bring it back up, she will, in which case, you will want to do a whole lot of listening, and any talking you do should primarily just be to ask questions and give her the space to talk, and show that youre listening. resist the urge, at the time, to play your cards or spill your guts; listen. reflect. if youre put on the spot, just tell her you want to reflect on what shes said, and get back to her; it will show thoughtfulness.

what do you think?

It's so hard for me to tell whether everything she's saying is for real or if it was a fluke. It seems that her emtions escalate at times and settle down at others. I don't think it's the last time ill hear from her, but I don't know if it will be in that same manner. Where I get caught up is in the part where she clearly has feelings for me still and I still have feelings for her, if that's the case, why wouldn't she want to start something again instead of hiding behind it. I've told her the past is the past and we can start slow.

you may be underestimating a few things.

the first is that cheating creates a lot of shame. its easier to break it off and run from. she also knows that you have strong feelings about it, and thats probably intimidating to her.

it does a tremendous number on even the strongest of relationships. its very difficult to recover from. trust is not easily rebuilt, it can take years, and it takes accountability and major effort from both parties.

the things that led to the decline of the relationship have not been resolved. it would first require determining what those things are, how they can be resolved, and what the path forward would be.


it most likely wont be. youll need to read her, and the moment. it may be very subtle.