BPDFamily.com

I've just gone to my first couseling appointment yesterday. I opened up about a lot, but was met with "you really have a lot on your plate." several times through the session.

When I expressed that I often wake up early with anxiey and can't fall back to sleep or motivate myself to go to bed, she asked what worked for me. I told her "I don't know" and we.moved to the next topic. No suggestions or anything.

I know that it was my initial visit, but is it fair to expect some suggestions at that point?

What kind of help did you find? Talk therapy? Something with skills? Is it unreasonable to feel that it may not be what I'm looking for after the first session?

It can be so hard to find the right therapist. In a way, it's like finding a life partner.

What works for one person may not work for another — there's no one-size-fits-all. I know for me, talk therapy with some feedback has really been a help. My H wants solutions, not a lot of talk.

Anyway, it can take a couple of sessions, at least, before settling in and really getting an idea of whether or not this therapist will work for you. It's possible that she was just doing an assessment and will be more engaging going forward. Or maybe this is her usual style. That said, you're the best judge of you and what you need and want and gut instincts are something you want to listen to.

I would google therapists who specialize or have experience with personality disorders.  Even though you do not have one, I find that I have to practice a lot of the same CBT skills he is learning.  Being upfront when you make the calls in search of one helps to.  I need coping skills for someone with BDP.   Otherwise, the books on dealing with someone with BPD may give you enough vocabulary to be more clearly hone in on what you are looking for in a therapist.  It takes time to find the right one. 

Hello,

Yes I think it's possible she's just trying to get a base assessment and hear you out on the first session.
What has helped me has been a myriad of things... meditation ( I use the insight meditation app on my phone everyday - there are lots of single and multiple day course meditations that help you see things in a different light and just relieve yourself of the stress) Therapy of course... helps to know that you make sense and are not going crazy, and she will eventually give suggestions and homework; I've been talking with a men's support group (one of her HW assignments); getting out in nature and walking is a big one for me also as far as decompression and releasing stress; reading books and listening to youtube videos on BPD and healthy and non-healthy ways of being; keeping in touch with spiritual connections- whatever that may be for you; I also practice with a martial arts group which is a physical meditation, and roller hockey on weekends to keep exercise in my life.
All of this to help me have a peaceful night's sleep and keep my mind from ruminating and falling into despair. I have to constantly work on myself to build the life I want to live, according to my values.

For me, I believe finding support groups has been the MOST therapeutic (even more so--for ME--than speaking to my therapist). I was feeling very alone--like no one else could even imagine what i was dealing with and going through. I have found two groups (this and one other), that I particularly like, and it helps me to feel a sense of calm, knowing that so many people are in a similar situation.

I also run (not far, or fast, but i run!), I surround myself with positivity, and I remind myself that I am in control.  I AM a pretty damn good wife. I AM an amazing mother. I AM a wonderful friend. These things, I KNOW. I also tell myself that I can choose to let his words and actions hurt me. That is MY choice. I don't have to allow those words and actions to puncture my soul, as I used to. Learning that I was codependent and an enabler gave me...i'm not sure how to explain...almost freedom to breathe. I used to ask myself why I allowed myself to be treated this way...then I learned why. I started working on myself by learning everything I could about MY codependency, and how I could work on MYSELF. Other things are now starting to fall into place. I feel stronger. More confident. Able to put up a shield when BPDh gets ugly. I have also worked on setting boundaries. It feels good. Scary at first, but so powerful to be able to know that I am taking control of MY situation.

Baby steps. One foot at a time.

If you want help with a specific thing, don't be afraid to ask for that. Usually first sessions are a time to get a run down of problems and get a client s history. It would be reasonable to ask your therapist what style of therapy she does and what you can expect from her in sessions.

I sought a therapist with experience in dbt and marital/family therapy. She is very helpful and can bring up specific dbt skills as reference.

i go to Codependece Anonymous groups, as well. I find these soo helpful. Like these forums, it's wonderful to connect with other people who struggle to have healthy relationships. I also go to yoga, try to meditate before bedtime, and am trying to get back to old hobbies I used to enjoy. Self care is a lot of work sometimes.

Hello Ipsedixit,

Finding the right fit, the right one, therapist ("T")… can be a journey… might not strike it off the first time… may take a few sessions to know if its a good fit.

As the others have said… be up front, lay it all out, expectations, concerns, goals.

I used psychologytoday.com to find therapists('s) multiple in my local, geographical area… east coast USA.

Good Luck!

Red5