BPDFamily.com

Mod Note:  part 1 of this thread is here    https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=334798.0

Only that I have returned all of my responses, and supporting documentation, to the Attorney.  

We decided to have him send a letter stating that if she reversed the PO on her own then I would abide by the terms but she could contact me at her discretion by US Postal Service only. If she did not reverse the PO on her own then we would be Subpoenaing her Medical/Mental Health records for the last 8 months and adding them to the response.

The goal is to get me out of this at the lowest monetary cost possible and that would mean skipping the Courtroom.  Putting my bias aside, I was able to soundly refute all 12 of her accusations with text screen shots, phone bill records, and a signed, notarized Affidavit from a 3rd party refuting one of the claims.

I spoke with a Counselor that has extensive experience with BPD and their families/loved ones and was told that the PO is not uncommon after a break up, especially if there have been multiple attempts of a relationship, and that typically they are full of mistruths in an attempt to hold on to the Victim status they have become addicted to.

In my case she had her Hospital stay and at least started the DBT which means she should be feeling a large amount of shame and regret and accountability...according to the Counselor.  Becasue of this her "reality " is/was crumbling and she needed to preserve it somehow.  If the PO is thrown out by the Court it could make that crumble much worse.

I was also told by the Counselor that, in her experience/knowledge, PO reversed by Court, PO removed by exfiancewbpd, or PO in place...she will still reach out again in an attempt to recycle.  That is just astounding to me, tbh.

I should know more in the next few weeks.  Just need the process to work its way through.  She will be in Ohio for 4 days in August so we will see if she makes an appearance.

^^^^^^ add on since I think it might be asked ^^^^^^

We put the option to reach out by USPS so that she feels she at least has an option and might not feel as abandoned, per Counselor. This isba compassion decision but it will mean she will have to follow many steps and can not be impulsive. Between writing, finding a stamp, mailing, and having to wait cause a delay that should temper any impulsivity since she will know she can not get an instant response

that seems reasonable.

what are you hoping will happen next?

Good question.

I would say I'm hoping there is no PO. I'm really hoping that the PO gets reverse in court because, to me, that should make it clear to any of her family and friends that she has been lying and hopefully, maybe, probably won't, at least one of them will step up and hold her accountable for her actions and her disorder.

I'm really on the fence about whether I want her to ever reach out again.  Part of me does but only if she's been doing her DBT and is willing to provide co-pay receipts to prove it.

I am emotionally drained and practically broken from this whole thing.  Like many I don't necessarily see a realistic path going forward after everything that has happened... But that could change if she would be willing to actually admit all of her lies , that she has the diagnosis, and would be willing 2 do the things that need to be done.

And this is not just admitting it to me. She would have to get her friends, family, Etc together all at once or at different times and admit these things to them also. The dynamic would need to change and their beliefs about me. I can't see her ever doing that but the full disclosure to everyone is the only way I can see there being any type of understanding on why she would even consider being back with me after all the things she said and done to me

Hearing date is set for August 13th, 8am. I received and email from the Court at 4am today.

At 8:30am I received and email from the ExBPD saying:
"Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

As if I am just supposed to lay down and accept the lies and the damage to my name and reputation.

She has done this to herself but her two sentences just scream, I am a Victim, I am a Victim.

I, obviously, did not respond but I did forwad the email to my Atty. What a mess this all is. I regret not just breaking rhe cycle when I had the chance in the past and going FULL no contact.

what did your attorney think? whats the plan?