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Title: Strong Opinions and Insults Post by: Omega1 on July 25, 2019, 08:58:14 AM I haven't posted in awhile, things are up and down but I am learning to cope, getting better at not reacting and staying calm.
I sometimes struggle with my BPD partner's very strong opinions - everything is all good or all bad, and yet someone else weighs in and suddenly she changes her mind. That's very hard to manage. More so, its the comments about what I like that are hard on my ego and self esteem. How do I brush it off and prevent myself from taking it personally or feeling she just doesn't like who I am? She doesn't do it to anyone else, not her kids and not her friends or family. Everyone else is amazing, except for me... How do I NOT take that personally and brush it off? She makes me feel like there's something wrong with me - when I say I like something and she sneers and says 'that's so YOU' - I try to get her to acknowledge how it feels to me, but she insists she wasn't insulting me. I KNOW her, I know what she meant...I guess it's not a big deal and I should let it go. Why do I get upset? How do I get to a point where I can shrug and laugh and say 'who cares'? It seems like such a small thing compared to some big challenges people face on this forum, but I'm trying to make this my forever and I'm also trying to keep my self esteem in tact. I would love any advice on how to learn to shrug things off. This may sound weird, but I feel like men do this so easily and maybe I'm too sensitive. How can I get more resilient? If I could learn that technique, life would change... Title: Re: Strong Opinions and Insults Post by: once removed on July 25, 2019, 09:36:44 AM Excerpt maybe I'm too sensitive. ive heard this my share of times in my life sensitivity. ego. need for validation. i think its important to understand that for a lot of us, that was/is part of the draw in our relationships, and it is part of why we struggle in them. Excerpt How can I get more resilient? awareness. practice. experience. changing responses. theyre really just two different opinions. you like something, she doesnt, and/or she thinks youre silly for liking it. i like video games. lots of people think thats silly or childlike, or... yes, it can sting more when its a close loved one expressing it. thats often, primarily because we feel rejected, and we feel disappointed in our partner for not sharing our views. Excerpt More so, its the comments about what I like that are hard on my ego and self esteem. How do I brush it off and prevent myself from taking it personally or feeling she just doesn't like who I am? you separate the two. the stuff you like, and her opinions on it dont actually reflect on you as a person. you make your self esteem less dependent upon that kind of acceptance. Excerpt when I say I like something and she sneers and says 'that's so YOU' - embrace it. it is so you and shes so her |