BPDFamily.com

My BPD husband left me a few weeks ago. He sent me a text with instructions not to contact him accept through his solicitor and a deadline for “me and my belongings” to be out of the house, about two weeks.  We’ve been married two and a half years. We’d dated for eight months before that. I immigrated from the US to England to be with him and we live in the UK. Now I’m suddenly faced with losing my husband, my home, my job, even my right to live and work in the UK and basically all my friends and my entire life here.

I have a solicitor now and some protection where he can’t force me out of our family home (he owns it). I’ve reached out to him via email and text to see if he is open to mediation. But he has not responded. His cousin has been dealing with his solicitor and is directing the whole thing. I really suspect she is BPD too.

Can they do this? Can he just check out and have someone else divorce me for him?

A little more about our relationship ...

At first we were inseparable and we woke up holding hands every morning. Then something changed like a slap in the face. He lost his job about a year ago and since then we began to have episodes of misunderstanding where he would mock and make fun of me, destroy furniture, brandish box cutters toward me, threaten to kill himself, break up pots, try to climb out the second story window, just insane behaviors - always over something small, insignificant, and everyday.

I got us into couples therapy paying out of pocket.

Sometimes I was able to help him understand that saying something like “we need to clean the bathroom” was not a personal attack on him. He would then flip on a dime and be humming and happy as if the episode never happened.

He often just ran out of the house to his aunt’s or a hotel.he was always in a terrifying rage. Nothing could ante this unless I apologized continuously and took all responsibility for his feelings. It’s been crazy making and horrible.

After one particularly bad altercation that left me in tears and hysterical, I called in sick to work for two days and got him into private therapy on my insurance and found a therapist for myself. He’s been very open to therapy. He’s said that he thinks it runs in his family (his mother and his sister). He’s had bad past relationships with BPD partners. My ex husband was NPD and I have no contact with him because of stalking and harassment even after the divorce (my ex is remarried now and hopefully has found his new supply).

I thought my husband and I were both non, both victims of being in disordered relationships. But now I’ve spent two years in grueling devaluation. He is not the person I fell in love with. That person is gone. Or never existed.

He sent me the text ending our marriage three days before my birthday. We had about 30 people including his friends coming over for a BBQ. It’s all so gross an cruel.

It's possible his prior relationship's end was as he described but the reality is that - now that you have experienced his behaviors over time - he told you his story from his perspective.  Unless you had independent verification, all his claims and stories are suspect.

Likely he initially felt he had you under his control or overwhelming influence... marriage, moved to his country, work and residence dependent on the marriage, etc.