BPDFamily.com

Hey everyone, appreicate the help on my last post. The breakup was still fresh then, but now its been a month and a half. Ill post my last post here iff anyone wants to read up on that too get a better understanding off my situation.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=337335.msg13061357#msg13061357

So. I was worried we would never have contact again, she blocked me from everywhere. After 10 days i think she unblocked me. Didnt write me, didn't add me back anywhere untill about a week after that. She was at a party. One off my best friends was there and her cousin which i got real close too during this last year. Then suddenly at 2am at a saturday night she added me on snapchat. I was like okay, what the hell? I was really glad, cuz i love this woman too death off course. But i was shocked.. I accepted her, but didnt send her anything. I was kind off waiting for her to make the first move. That night i sent a facebook message to her cousin. A guy that is just a year younger than me. 20 yrs old. I asked iff he was at the same party she was. He said yes, and she came too him wanting to talk about me. He said she was unsure that she had done the right choice breaking up with me. And that she wanted to contact me so badly... Then asked him for my snapname. BUT, i never heard from her. I went to sleep, woke up. Still nothing, then later that sunday. She deleted me again? Her sister wich i still see often and have alot off contact with.  (were good friends) asked my ex about this infront off her family that sunday. She then denied it, told her mom she couldnt even remeber it. Which was a lie off course, no idea why, but yeah.. I felt pretty sad about this, and it felt wrong. Why could she do that whenever she wanted? But i have to respect her wish to not contact her? Anyways, i added her on facebook shortly after she deleted me from snap. Sent her a message which said: Hello, how are you doing? And asked if we could put everything behind us and try to be friends. She agreed. Then i asked her about why she added me on snapchat, just to delete me the next day. She lied. Said she didnt do that and just said something along the lines off maybe someone pretending too be me added you... I looked past this, tried too not let it bother me. We had LC ever since, up until last weekend. Her sister and a couple off my friends came too my place to attend a festival. Her sister came too me the last night off the festival and told me that i shouldnt be talking to my ex's friends about her and my situation. Which i HAVENT. One off her stupid girl friends claimed that i had. This ruined my whole night, got pretty sad and angry at the same time. I wanted to confront my ex about this, tell her that it wasnt true etc. But her sister said she tought it would be best if she did it. Her sister went home, had been home for about 5 days and still havent said anything too her. I couldnt wait any longer, so i sent her a message. She seemed pissed, raged at me for about 15 minutes over text then deleted me on snapchat. I then sent har a text saying. I dont think its a good idea we keep in touch or try too be friends iff you get mad at me for something  that bothers me. If you should be mad at someone, be mad at your friend which is feeding you with lies... Contact me later if you want to try and establish a friendship. I honestly tought this was it, but last night she sent a text...

The text said that she wanted too be in my life, and wanted my friendship. And that we couldnt talk about the past iff we were going to be friends. I agreed, and just tried to answer as polite and little as possible. Ended the convo on good terms, but havent heard from her since. Nor has she added me on anything. The problem is that i cant be her friend. I pretty much still a reck and really sad after the break up. And i love this woman more than anything. I CANT just be friends with her at the moment, maybe i can in a couple years. But i love her way too much. She has told me this once before tough, that we can never be anything more than friends. Then she met with me and a couple friends at a restaurant and the day after, she wanted more... Me and my friends are going too one off my friends cabin this weekend. Her sister and a couple off her friends wants to come. So does my EX. Should I allow this? Should i try? I love this woman so so so much, and i would do anything too have her back. But she says all she can give is a friendship. So it would just make my griefing so much longer if i have contact with her and meet her from time to time if she just wants to be friends... Im hoping to change her mind off course IF I meet her. But its gonna be hard to have a good time around her with the wounds still so fresh.. Any tips on how to act if i agree to let her come is much appreciated. And any tips on how to act, best way too make her want my relationship again, instead off friendship...

Thanks again.

Flangle

You've been struggling with this situation a lot, I know. It can be so difficult to be pushed out -- and then to be let back in and the process to start over, not really knowing what's coming. I'm sorry.

I want to address something you said:

You can't make her want a relationship again. That would be true even if she didn't have a personality disorder. Whether or not she opens herself up to a relationship is entirely her call. She's aware of your feelings, correct? Anything else on your part is manipulation. The best you can do, if you do want a romance with her, is to stay open, but keep your distance. See what happens.

I would recommend, though, that you give this a lot of thought. There's a real roller-coaster pattern established (one that draws in extra people like her family members) and, barring very intensive, real help and therapy on her part, that's unlikely to change. Is that a ride you want to continue on?

Thanks for the reply again. Much appreciated. I do indeed know its a rollercoaster, and as much as i want out off it. Im not able to. I love this woman, and i know she loved me like she never loved anyone. Her entire family was in shock off how she spoke off me and acted around me. Said that boyfriends before has always been sort off a secret. Even a guy she dated after our first breakoff. But with me its different. So yes, i want this. I know i can handle it, weve never really had any fights.. Shes not in therapy atm, but shes in waiting line i think. I knew she was before, a couple hours from her home. If her is really, and i mean really what i want. Do you think i should give it a shot and let her meet with me?