|
Title: Minor setback Post by: Masang M on July 31, 2019, 06:22:33 AM My BpdH got triggered last night at DBT group and I started the job from hell! Because I’m upset it triggered him further black/white thinking, starting to shut down/disassociate very self centric attitude. . I’m trying to not let his set back bother me except I’m interwoven in this one because I’m seriously considering leaving this new position as the company culture is awful. The thought of me not working until I find something else has added to his trigger and I’m not sure how to balance this. I go to school in an accelerated program 15 weeks in 5, volunteer and now have job from hell. So I’m not sure what to do still pretty new to BPD and for the most part having great success with DPT.
Thanks Title: Re: Minor setback Post by: Scarlet Phoenix on July 31, 2019, 04:46:24 PM Hi Masang M. That's a lot happening at once I'm sorry your new job is so horrible! That sucks.
You know, we can't always make the relationship great or even somewhat good. Sometimes we just have to settle for not making it a lot worse. Do what you have the capacity to do. That's okay, and that's enough. Since it sounds like you have a lot to deal with right now. If you feel up to making efforts not to activly invalidate him, that's great. Like saying here and there "That's awful! Right now I have to [insert activity, like taking a shower, getting some fresh air to be able to listen with a clear head, sleeping off the blistering head ache ...]. I'll be all ears tonight/tomorrow/this weekend". Or "you matter to me, hearing what you have to say matters to me. Right now I'm afraid I can't give it my full attention. I will at [insert new time]". It doesn't have to be what I wrote here, but something that sounds natural for you. If you're not feeling up to it at the moment, that's really fine. Maybe just an honest "right now it sucks, I wish I could give you more answers" and retreat. 'Reatreat' is just for you, if it's exhausting for you to stay and listen. And on a good note, great news about DPT! Would you mind sharing some? Title: Re: Minor setback Post by: Masang M on July 31, 2019, 05:35:32 PM Thank you Scarlet Phoenix
That was what I needed to hear, especially since he gets pretty anxious when I’m quiet. I did ask him to work on that with his therapist and about giving me my “space” if I’m emotional, exhausted or quiet just to be ok with it and that it’s not about him. As for DBT he has jumped in with everything, it has really helped him to cope and start to recognize some of his negative behaviors, there seems to be less down times in our relationship. Big stressors such as now are a hurdle but not nearly as they use to be. A weird thing is he has started to remember dreams which is causing restless sleep, I’m hopeful that will get better as time goes on. Title: Re: Minor setback Post by: Scarlet Phoenix on July 31, 2019, 05:55:33 PM That's great that you have already said something about it. I would guess that he can spin out getting really anxious, which makes it hard for you when you are not doing so well yourself.
Big stressors definitely ramp things up. It's wonderful news that the two of you are already managing better than before. Small steps will make big changes in time. He seems to have taken to the DBT therapy, looking at himself and his own behaviours He recently got into therapy if I understand it right? If that's the case, it's normal that he's out of sorts for a while, more anxious for example. Just so you know. |