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Title: First days post-hospital discharge Post by: Trianglepower on August 02, 2019, 07:46:25 PM Hi there, this is my first post. My partner w/BPD is going to be discharged from a residential acute stabilization program on Monday. They'll be starting an outpatient intensive program on Wednesday. If you've been in this situation before, can you share some experiences that may help me know what to expect? Do you have tips on how to help them transition back into their world of distress triggers, hopefully with some new skills from the 2ish weeks of inpatient treatment? TIA!
Title: Re: First days post-hospital discharge Post by: ForeverDad on August 03, 2019, 12:46:00 PM Very important is that the follow-up sessions don't get stopped. BPD includes perspectives where the person has immense Denial and Blame Shifting of how/why they contributed to the situation. So the sessions may start strong but then the old patterns return. Sorry, Borderline is not something that has a quick fix. It will take months and probably years to address the unhealthy patterns of perceptions and thinking.
If the person was not informed of a BPD diagnosis, then let the professionals handle that information. You as a close person could trigger a lot of emotional "baggage" (not your fault!) that could surge up in that person's mind whereas therapy might be accepted better from an emotionally neutral professional. Boundaries are very important. While there may be times to make occasional exceptions, strong boundaries reduce risk of the other person relentlessly chipping away at them. What do we mean by boundaries? Have you read Henry Cloud's Boundaries? Boundaries are for you, not her. You already know you can't tell her what to do or not do. You can't force her to do or not do something, your power is in your response. However, what can and does work (though there are limits) is something like this... . "If you do or don't do ___ then I will do or not do ___." Examples: If you start blocking me from our kids... . ... .then I will enforce the parenting schedule, in court if that's what it takes. If you want extra time for ___... . ... .then I may allow it but with a trade for equivalent time for ___. When done right "if... .then... ." is powerful. It took me years to figure how to make boundaries such as these. Oh, and since this would be a change to your behavior pattern, expect her to flame out with extinction bursts in attempts to make you retreat back into prior compliant, appeasing actions. She may never fully accept that you will run your own life, but in time she ought to realize you're not acquiescing to her demands as before and not push your boundaries as relentlessly. Lastly, since you didn't describe other factors in your relationship, I'll encourage you to save the documentation of his/her participation in that program. Most people, and especially people with BPD (pwBPD), want to hide past problems. Fine, except... you may need this information in the years to come. What if he/she at some future time accuses you of DV, the documented history of mental health issues may help you defend yourself. Similarly if there is a divorce or if there are children and a custody struggle arises. Title: Re: First days post-hospital discharge Post by: Ray2017 on August 05, 2019, 09:59:12 AM My h returned about a month ago from just shy of three weeks (1st week in a short term, locked, unit; the remainder in a residential program). As background, my H was admitted for depression/suicidal ideation/PTSD; the team suggested a BPD diagnosis to me, but did not, apparently, tell my husband that (found that one out the hard way!). He sounded great while doing the residential portion (during the short-term it was pretty ugly), and was wonderful when we visited him, so I was expecting that when he returned home. Unfortunately, it was a nightmare week when he got home - right back into the old habits, dysregulation, rage. I'm not saying this to scare you - at all! I just was not prepared and wished I was. The good part - things have improved steadily since that first week (not a straight line by any means, but there have been more good days than bad since that first week). As for what I wish I could have done in transition home... I thought I was totally prepared to not JADE and had decided on some boundaries which seemed totally reasonable to me. Turns out not JADE-ing was way harder than I anticipated (probably because I didn't think I would have to instantly go back to that), and my H did not think my boundaries were reasonable at all. I stood my ground, but I wasn't emotionally prepared for the extinction bursts I witnessed. I guess what I'm saying I should have prepared for the worst while hoping for the best... I did the second part, but not the first. Again, I'm terribly sorry if that sounds doomsday-ish. I hope the transition home will be a smoother one for you and your partner!
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