BPDFamily.com

So as some of you may know, my now ex BPD broke up with me about a month ago and we have been together for three and a half years. The last two years have been Rocky with several breakups and recycles. This time she has found someone else that she wants to date.

 My question is, what are the odds of her trying to recycle with me if it doesn't work out? I've read that they are pretty high odds but to my knowledge she has never tried to recycle with any of her other exes. The only ones I know of though other than her second marriage that lasted 4-5 years because he was stationed overseas in the military, two of them we're only a month-long and her first marriage was less than a year. One of the month-long ones ended explosively and her second ex-husband she cannot stand because they have kids together and there is constant drama.

It was pointed out to me that the reason why there were no recycles on some of them was because the shortness of it. Outside of her second marriage I think I'm the longest relationship she's had. She doesn't recycle friends either it doesn't seem. She has however left items at my house which make me wonder if she will attempt to recycle. She told me she loved and cared about me the day she ended it and that I was an amazing person and then a week later when we talked she told me she can no longer be friends or talk to me because it brought up a lot of emotions in her when she's trying to start a relationship. I understand and have went no contact since then.

 I have found out recently that  she still has a profile picture of only herself on her Facebook and still has pictures of us together in her photos on Facebook even as recently as a few months ago. 

When she was dating the guy before me (month long) she had a picture of them together and when we started dating she changed It to one of us together. She has no pictures of any other old boyfriends on her facebook so I found this odd.

The reading I have done says that there's a high chance she will but then other readings I have done says that she might not. I would like opinions and experiences from others here. What are the chances of a recycle Happening Here?

i dont think there is any predictable indicator as to the odds of whether or not she would want to resume the relationship.

i think theres a reasonable likelihood (not a certainty) that if her relationship does not work out that she would get back in touch with you. possibly even before that.

i think an important consideration is that you would not want to be in the position of being a rebound, if that were to happen. im not saying that means dont get back with her. i am saying i wouldnt jump right in it, i would let her grieve the relationship. otherwise, things between the two of you would likely crash and burn again.

That makes sense.

I'm struggling tonight though. I have read things that say to not have contact with her and let her do her own thing and then other things that say to have low contact and once in awhile asked if she's doing okay and be friendly but not pressure for any kind of commitment or anything like that.

 A big part of me wants to ask her if she's okay and let her know that I still care because we haven't spoken in 4 weeks now because she told me we could not be friends or talk because it brings up feelings and her and she's trying to start a new relationship.

The other part of me says to remain NC and let her do her thing. Honestly when I think sending her a text my anxiety goes through the roof. Mostly because I'm afraid of it going badly and getting hurt more.

i think that if she hadnt said that its best not to speak, low contact would be a good way to go. it keeps you on her radar, but stays out of the relationship, lets it stand or fall on its own.

since she was the one to set the terms, it shows respect to heed them, and that looks good for you. plus, i wouldnt worry too much about staying on her radar, she hasnt forgotten about you.


this is another good reason to maybe set it aside for now. if the time comes to say something, youll know it, and youll know what to say.

dont just let her do her thing. you do yours. get back to the confident, upbeat guy she fell for in the first place. dig into the lessons and tools here. develop a very different plan for the relationship, if she does come back. and build your life up. it will look attractive, and youll feel a lot better.

Thanks Once Removed! That makes a lot of sense!